I Hurt Myself

Sad

Hi it's liyana the reason I wrote this is because I want to tell you about the real me. To be honest I always put a fake smile on my face everyday and tell lies. I do this because I dont want to hurt anyone feeling so I take the damage even I know I can't handle it. I would rather hurt myself. I so scared to loose someone that I love cause I know if I loose them my life is nothing means nothing without them but I know everything happened have a reason maybe to give me a strength. Actually everyone knows that I always sleep late but they don't know why I sleep late. Actually I crying every single night because I hold so much pain and I trying to figure out how to fix my mistake that I've done to people. I'm not perfect. I make mistake all the time. I just don't know how to handle my sadness and I always wanted to change my life. God knows that I always trying my best. Sometimes I also always thinking am I worthless because people never appreciate what I did. No one ever wants to talk to me or even tries for that matter it makes me feel sad. I don't know why people do that to me. So I'm trying to be cool but I can't cause it hurt me so much. Even though I drowning but nobody saw me struggle. 100% honest my friend did this to me when I was high school . At that time I told myself that I hate myself and I hate my life. I just don't know how to make people smile cause I'm stupid, I have a fxcking boring life and many more but actually they don't know what my life is like. Dear friend, my life is rich of sad because of you guys and I also want to say thank you because If you guys don't do this to me I would not be what I want to be and also to thanks to you guys cause give me so much pain and being a great friend. I always wanted to get a best friend but I never get. So what I do is I tell myself is friend didn't bring happiness. I have a parents that can bring me to heaven and I have my pets that know how much pain I hold. Even thought people think pet is just pet but for me they are not pet is your best friend and pet can know what's my feeling and pet can understand me.One day I lost my pet, which the only best friend that I have. When my best friend died my life is completely boring, I always alone and I don't know who should I tell about my pain. I just want my best friend back. Thanks to my parent who give me so much happiness. I'm sorry if make you sad or any mistake and thanks to love me more than anything. I also wanna tell to my parent I'm sorry if I tell you lies because I don't want you to know that how hurt am I at school. So I tell my parents that I had fun at school with my friends and to be honest I have no best friend I just make a fake story cause I don't want my parent feel sad about me. I love them with entire my heart. Please forgive me. I have to do this because I don't want to hurt you and myself anymore. I also have a story about what my feeling when I failed in exams. People always think that I can't do it, People said that I will never be leader, I will never wear a crown because I don't deserve to the world,  because I should learn to settle down. No, I don't care what people gonna say cause I know I can do it even it a high risk. I would take a risk to be a good person not to be a person that always just saying that they can do it by do nothing it's stupid. I tell myself that I want to change so I give all I got to change myself. I just give all my best. I feel so calm when my pain goes away but I still remember how much pain is. So I looked up at the sky saw the twinkle star it makes feels like I'm free. Moonlight makes my believe that I can make my wish come true and God will always be by my side and always help me. At the point I cry in tears to see my own reflection in mirror cause I can't believe that I can change my life even thought my dreams does not come true. Everything is not free so you have to work to get a money to buy something worth it and that's what I do when I want something. I just want you guys to know what I feels like when it hurts me but I don't want to hurt you so I wrote this down. I have a lot of dreams but is a really big dream that I want to be an archaeologist just like  movies. I also want my birthday gift is I make a lyric song then selena sing that song.If it's happen I'm gonna always put a real smile because the every word that I said have a meaning. It's my story.