feelings journal

entry 2

so mark is coming up to me talking about how i'm always depressed and suicidal which is super annoying because its all just stuff raegan says and it she opinion. she can keep it to herself. the only time she or anyone else talks to me is if something is wrong with me the only person that knows me is me. i'm not always depressed and suicidal so get that out of your head. i stopped cutting because something didn't go my way its stupid. if u ever felt worthless and useless because of your family and friends you tend to question your existence and i know all of my friends have felt that way more than once. but when its me months apart i'm completely wrong. they expect me to not get sad because of shit my mom says and does. my life is not perfect it is still shitty so don't say shit about it unless you live with me and i know my life and how it goes other than that your opinion is irrelevant. if its negative do you really think it would make me feel better because your fucking stupid if you think that. i actually go to therapy and have coping skills to work on myself. everyone else just expects happiness to be pulled out of your ass. i try my hardest to be happy for everyone even when i just seem down. i am actually happy i had all summer and after to work on myself and i felt fine than i get back to school and something happened to everyone and everyone wants my help and support and i just get brought down to so maybe i should just stop helping and letting people deal with their own shit. if u need moral support then i'll me there if not keep your drama to yourself and i'll do the same. no one knows the shit they do when they say shit. everyone comes up to me and trashes me on how i feel. they make their own opinions about my life and that's all it is what you think. don't try to make it a fact when it's not. i think there is nothing wrong with not wanting to speak about how you feel even if it means not speaking at all. that is totally okay. you need to give people the space they need to help themselves. I've had people coming up to me all day over shit raegan has said. i go back to read messages in this group chat and it says i take advantage of my boyfriend like shut the fuck up you lie. like no one gives two fucks about your piss poor attitude. learn to shut your mouth and talk about yourself because when you say shit about other people to other people than tell people and it turns into a pool of lies. its all just stupid quit saying shit are you fucking dumb like then you have to nerve to say you care and your my friends like your a back stabbing bitch. you don't go saying shit for no reason. i'm so pissed to the point i'm shaking like its so annoying like are you fucking kidding me. i want to scream so much like this just pisses me off like i need fucking reliable reasons to pull dumb bullshit. your opinion is not always needed so don't give it, that's how u ruin peoples lives. i clearly need new friends because i have piss poor ones. they don't a fuck about anyone but themselves and if it doesn't suite their needs they have to make sure it does. there would be no drama if people just kept their fucking mouths closed and if you have an opinion about someone so strongly share it with that person don't go telling anyone that will listen to feel like your important because it just makes you pathetic. don't say shit behind people's backs where the fuck are your balls bitches say shit to peoples faces or shut the hell up because you clearly don't have shit to say. its all just so annoying and i just want to move to a different state just to get away from everyone because i was a lot better over the summer before shit started happening. i gonna start just cutting people out of my life like i don't need your bullshit and i don't care if life is pissing on you everyday deal with it yourself i'm done caring for people that don't deserve it. you don't get to ignore me for months like u don't know me than go off om me because you were concerned about the friend you trashed for almost a year like shut the fuck up