Fireborn

21 ¦ Grief Beyond Measure

For what seemed like hours, Alicia and I checked the ankle tags of the dead and injured. Dread crawled across my skin like a thousand ice ants each time I went to the next body, but we found neither Bragda nor Marcus among the departed.

Alicia drew a sudden intake of air when she read one of the names and broke down into tears. Kaylar shot her an angry glare.

"Boldea, pull yourself together!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Who is it, Alicia?"

"My roommate."

I walked over to Alicia and tried to give her an awkward pat on the shoulder, but she shrugged away from me, her dark eyes flaring at me.

"How can you be so calm?"

I'm numb. There's a difference.

"Give the casualty lists to the guards," Nurse Kaylar commanded once we had finished. "Be quick about it--we want to avoid riots."

Alicia puffed in anger and snatched her scroll. We handed over the lists containing more than a thousand names. They didn't include the countless piles of ash on the battlefield. The Guards called them out in a dull monotone, a litany of sorrow and pain that cut me to the quick.

Alicia sank into the snow beside me, tears trickling down her cheeks. "I can't believe he's gone. Marc was my soulmate."

"How do you know he was your soulmate?"

"When his skin touched mine, our energy danced along my skin." She traced her fingertips across her forearms. "Little tingles, like lightning. That's the soulmate bond."

Peter. I felt that with Peter.

She brushed her tears away. "I still feel him in my heart, Liselle. He has to be alive."

"I felt that way when Mama died, too. That's your mind not wanting to accept the truth."

Alicia snapped her gaze to meet mine. "You're a really shitty friend, do you know that?"

"Alicia, I didn't mean--"

"You have no idea how to grieve, do you?" She pointed in the direction of Halden. "Your sister just died. Your village is destroyed. There are no traces of our teachers or friends."

"Don't you think I know that?" I clenched my jaw. "I'm fucking dead inside, damn it. I don't know how to cry because I can't feel anything."

"I'm sorry. I'm just lost," Alicia cried as she wrapped her arms around me. "Forgive me."

Embarrassed, I slowly wrapped my arms around her with a puzzled expression.

First, she was angry, and now she's hugging me?

"We need to find them," she said through her sobs. "We need to go to Halden and find them."

Not this again!

"I was there," I said, pulling away from her embrace. "There was nothing but broken fragments and ash. Firedrakes just incinerate whatever they find."

"I have to see for myself."

"What's your plan? Facing the Gatál army on your own?" Indignant heat burned my cheeks. "There could be dragons on the border, never mind legions of Dragonborn Warriors with anti-magic armor."

"I don't care if they kill me."

"Are you mad?"

A second-year Warrior heard our little spat and stared at us as we argued. He sauntered towards us with a wry smile, shaking his head. "I can make this really easy for you, ladies. Our patrols aren't letting anyone through to the other side of the border."