Mine (OUTDATED)

Ch2: Begging For Forgiveness

I woke up to realize I was half naked on my own bed, what happened last night? Oh..right..Eren shouted at me, and I ran to my room, then..Then what?..

 I looked down at my arm and my sheets to try and remember what happened last night.. Blood. Blood almost all over my bed, clothes and arms. 

I was cutting myself because of my damn childhood crush.

In all honesty,it didn't hurt anymore, it was like a way to pass time. It multiplied by the day. I just used one of my extra blades to cut my arm and after it bled out, I used my clothes to clean up the blood and go to sleep.

I sighed, I didn't want anyone to find out what I was doing. They would call me a mad-man, and they would also think I was irresponsible, which would make them think I didn't belong here. Though, in my own mind, I didn't. I didn't belong in here. I didn't belong in this world. I was worthless, I was a monster and I shouldn't have been here. I shouldn't have let my parents get killed. I shouldn't have followed Eren. I shouldn't have acted cold nor too nice towards people. Then maybe, just maybe, I would have been living a happy life, not disturbing anyone's peace. I wouldn't have made their lives worse...

I put my hand on my cheeks. Tears. I was crying this whole time. I wouldn't let anyone go behind my walls except for Eren. I wouldn't let anyone see my calm and relaxed side except for Eren. I wouldn't have-

''Mikasa?'' Oh hell. It was Sasha.

''Um..Yes?'' I couldn't let her see I was cutting myself nor crying. I quickly made my bed and put my gear on my bed to cover up the blood stains. I put my extra blade under my pillow and quickly hid my clothes under my bed.

'' Are..Are you okay?'' You could clearly hear how worried she was. 

''I'm fine, why'd you ask..??'' Now that was a stupid question.

She sighed, ''Do I even have to answer that question Mikasa?..Anyways..Today is our day off, so I thought we'd go shopping in the town if it's ok with you.'' I smirked and replied with a solid ''Sure.'' . Thank god I didn't have to wear my bloody clothes. I heard her squeal behind the door and so I quickly dressed up.

I wore my long green skirt and my plain white shirt. I wore my red cardigan and the brown shoes I kept near the door. Even if I didn't want to, I wore the red scarf like I did everyday.

 I walked out the door the see Sasha, Connie, Jean and Armin all together. ''Oh..hey guys.'' is all I could get out before Sasha grabbed me by my arm and started running towards the town with Jean, Connie and Armin shouting for us to wait while laughing and following us. Sasha looked back and smiled at me, telling for me to run faster. I smiled back at her. ''Look guys, Mika is smiling!! Haha!'' 

''How are we supposed to see her face when we're running behind you two?!'' I heard Connie shout. Sasha let go of my arm. Since I was supporting myself by grabbing her hand, I stumbled and felt like I as gonna fall until Jean caught me. I smiled at him and that was the only thing it took for him to turn into a tomato. I looked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of..Eren.. I quickly grabbed his arm and started running. I had to get out of here. I didn't wanna confront him after what happened last night. 

''She's just a crybaby, let her go.''

''You're not my sister, nor my mother!!''

''Stop being so clingy!''

I looked back in front of me, I was almost at the town. I had Jean behind me, with Sasha, Connie and Eren following us. 'Maybe I can lose Eren if I go into a crowd of people' I thought to myself. That was my only hope.