why am i this way?
why do i have hate for absolutely everything, yet love where i am in my life at the same time?
depression.
you consume me.
you drown me.
you hurt me.
you're slowly killing me.
i have days where im happy & feeling free of you.
and the next day you just ruin my whole world.
you crash into it, like a fighter jet dropping a bomb not only in my heart, but my mind.
you make me so sensitive, yet so heartless to everything around me.
how can you make me not give a fuck, but yet still give a fuck about the things i do, or the things i say.
depression.
i don't understand you.
why are you so cruel?
i have been crying for an entire day, but you don't even care.
im tired, im sleepy, and yet... you won't let me rest.
i'm up, all hours of the night, drowning in my own thoughts.
because you, depression.
you don't allow me to have friends.
you don't allow me to touch the reality of life.
instead, you keep me trapped in my room, in my mind.
i'm going out of my mind, fighting this battle.
reality hit.
i'm fighting myself.
how can i ever win?
i can't give up on myself.
i won't.
you enjoy this don't you?
my suffering.
you don't care about me, depression.
you only care about you.
i've thought about ending it all, so many times.
i think about ending it. ALL. THE. TIME.
you want me to do it, but yet i still fight on.
i'm not living for you, depression.
i'm living for my loved ones i lost.
depression.
you won't win.
