Of all the people I could fall for, I had fallen for you.
Of all the people I could cry for, I cried for you.
Of all the people I could smile about, I smiled about you.
Of all the people who could hate me me, why does it have to be you?
So why do I still fall?
Why do I still cry?
Why do I still smile?
Why do I still die every single time you turn away from me?
It's a pointless conundrum.
A problem with no answer.
It's something I can't explain.
Or understand.
How can my greatest fear be losing you,
When 'we' were never at all.
How can I still want to give to you,
When all you've ever given me was hate, rejection and scars?
Lining my wrists.
Peppering my thighs.
So often, that I can no longer feel the pain,
Of the blade you put in my heart.
I want to keep them forever,
As a reminder of how much hurt you've given me.
Of how much pain, how much suffering
How much heartbreak I've been through.
And maybe if I keep them.
Maybe, just maybe, you'll see
Maybe you'll stop to wonder why you hated me so much.
Maybe you'll finally open your eyes to my truth and reality.
You just don't see the world the way I do.
How everything you touch is a reminder of your hatred for me.
How everything you say is a bewitching curse upon me.
How everything you do is a sign of you rejection of me.
A world without you is a world without me.
Despite all that torment you put me through,
I would still kill myself,
Just to see you accept me.
You are my freedom, my prison.
You are my happiness, my sadness.
You are my laughter, my mourning.
You are my goodness, my wrong-doing.
My whole world seemed to revolve around you.
All my decesions depend on you.
And I don't know why,
because you don't even care, do you?
I just hope that maybe one day,
You'll see me in a new light.
That maybe you'll want to start all over again.
That maybe you'll accept me for me.
I love this feeling.
I hate this feeling.
I'm a whirlwind of emotion when you're around.
And I don't know why.
I don't know whether to be happy.
Or sad.
Or angry.
I'm confused.
I have a condition.
An infliction that has seized me in its grasp.
Pain writhing in every move I make.
And the only cure is you.
Times
Of
Mourning
Greatly
Affect
Love's
Brave
Recognition
And
Implores
Their
Hope
