Bartender

Can you pour some love?

I watch the foam of my lager disappear more and more with every passing minute as if it is the most interesting thing in the world. I sigh loudly and support my head with my left hand on the bar. I've been here for a couple of hours already. I broke up with my girlfriend recently, but that's not the reason I'm here. The reason I'm here is a different one. The reason I'm here is because I screwed up, and I screwed up big time. Not with my girlfriend, no. With a person that means the world to me, but I was too dumb to see that.

The bartender looks at me with a pitiful smile and a loud sigh escapes my mouth once again. We always went here together, back in the days. I fetch out my phone and search through my contacts until I see his name glancing at me from the bright screen. Fuck it, I think, I have nothing to lose and start to text him.

I am very surprised when the door to the pub opens about 10 minutes later and I immediately recognise him. He walks straight over to me and my heart starts pounding really fast. He hasn't changed much, he still looks pretty much the same. Although his hair is a bit different, he is still so handsome and he still has his baby face which I always loved so much. I see my hands cupping his cheeks, his hands wrapping around my waist and we laugh together. But that was a long time ago, now he looks serious and he doesn't smile. What a shame, I always loved his smile so much.

I half-smile at him and sign him to sit down next to me. He nods and does so. I am nervous, I don't know what to say. I haven't seen him in years.

"You came?" is all I can think of and I look directly into his eyes, these beautiful green-blueish eyes which seem so familiar to me. I still can't believe he is sitting right next to me. It's odd, but it's so nice to see him.

"Seems like it" he mumbles and orders himself a pint.

We clink our glasses together and I take a look around afterwards, the pub is already quite empty and it's good because it's quiet and we can talk.

It's a little after midnight
There's a couple in the corner
And I wonder what he said because she's crying
And I guess they won't remember
When they wake up in the morning
With the headache from the whiskey and the wine
I know that I have said things I regret when I am sober
'Cause we always hurt the ones we love the most
I messed up and I know it if I hurt you boy I'm sorry
But it's good to see the boy I used to know

"Can we talk?" I ask sheepishly and he sighs.

"About what?" he asks, visibly annoyed. "About you walking out on me because of some chick?"

"Dec, it wasn't like that" I sigh, but actually, it was exactly like that. "Please, I know I screwed up, I know it." My voice has gotten lower with every word, because I know there are no excuses to what I did.

"You can say that again" Declan says angrily and takes a sip from his lager. "Listen, I only came here to see what you have to say, so you have 5 minutes."

"Okay, let me explain" I start but I don't know how to go on. How do you explain to the love of your life that you dumped him because you were scared? Because there was this woman and it was the perfect opportunity to run away from all the confusion? To run away from the one person you loved the most in the whole wide world? Just because you were too scared to admit it to yourself? There wasn't an explanation for that.