*******these will be memories/ events that have happened in my life. they may or may not be in order. and the grammar and punctuation may or may not be correct.********
life seems to be so crazy when you take a step back and look at what's really happening or maybe what you thought was happening at the time. I'm sitting hear and trying to think of an example or a better way of explaining it but all the thoughts are moving by so fast I can hardly tell what I'm thinking of. then there are the waves of thoughts that come in a cluster of related thoughts and memories. they wash over me and play in and order that's almost let up like a movie, a movie my brain puts together for me and I would be rude of me not to watch.
these are almost never well planned movies because as I'm watching my brain will fix and add more things to it as I'm watching sometimes starting it over because it forgot a part. my brain is as forgetful as I am. writing helps me focus on either my brains movie or something else I'm trying to focus on instead. but you see I can be hard to focus on what to write about. but once I start I don't really stop and I don't always stay on topic.
my brain is also a fan of horror films and makes me a new nightmare at least 3-4 days out of the week. these make even less since most of the time because it takes non related things/ people/ events and smashes them altogether in a way that's horrifying. like my acid trips where more normal then my nightmares are. like I don't know why I'm saying normal since for most people nightmares are few to none ad are normal seen as unusual. but I think there are normal nightmares that every one thinks of first when the here there friend had a nightmare but then there are the weird ass stores we here or tell and they are freaky cartoony stuff right? I have weird ones where the scary part is that the dream its self wasn't really scary just weird but it just gave your heart and head such a scary feeling you couldn't help but be terrified. but there are also the nightmares that are reminding me of a mistake or a person from my past, with the intentions of getting my hopes up in the dream only to have them come crashing down in the worse way possible. the worst night mares are the ones where my body falls asleep, my eyes can still see but I cant move my body. then my brain starts to make me dream but everything that goes on is going on right in front of where I'm laying down.
what I hate is when my brain throws a random person I don't want to see anymore into my dreams and does its best to make that person to stick into my head for the hole day after i wake up. I don't know how it does it or why but it does and I don't like it. cant I just for get people.
there are many things my brain can do that I wish I could control but unfortunately that's not the case and writing helps so I'm using this as another why of not only writing but getting some thoughts out of my head. then ill hope this helps me clear my head and keep focus.
and this is also probably never going to be published but I took per cautions in case I did actually publish this. but I don't think this is something people really wanna read. right now I'm pretty much just typing whatever thoughts come to mind first and fare warning this could get very repetitive.
like how my brain tries to relax it's self but playing music in my head lightly and with no lyrics. its calming at times and annoying at others depending on what song it plays.
what I don't like is the random load ass ringing in my head that hurt terribly, and the fact that it happens more often when I have a headache.
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