What Doesn't Kill You

Chapter 10: This Mess is Mine

"It's metastasized. You can't play baseball anymore, but that doesn't matter. You have one, maybe two years to live."

Daniel's heart was pounding out of his chest as he sat in the sterile doctors office looking across the large wooden desk to his oncologist. He hadn't cried right away the first time he found out about the cancer, not until it had sunk in. But somehow, this time it was sinking in sooner, quicker. He wasn't ready to die. He wasn't ready to give up, his heart was beating out out of chest and he felt a pathetic cry of unintelligible words escaping his mouth.

"Shh. Baby.."

That wasn't the doctor's voice though, no that was a voice much closer to him, one much more familiar and soothing. Daniel awoke to strong arms squeezing him tight around the waist, his face was against Ian's chest and he was trembling in Ian's arms. He felt a pitiful sob escape his lips, his was on the edge of tears even when he found himself in Ian's bed. Daniel bit down hard on his lower, lip, trying to force himself to be calm there in the middle of the night.

"I'm here. You're safe. It's okay.." Ian was calm as he squeezed his arms around him even tighter. It was like Ian knew exactly what to do, and Daniel caved into him pressing his face into Ian's shoulder with a nod.

"Ian..." Daniel gasped with a horse whisper, just enough to let the other man know that he was awake, it was the best he could do as his body slowed the reaction he was going through, his heart still beating out of his chest.

Ian splayed kisses across his hair, his forehead. His fingers trailed over Daniel's back with firm strokes, slowly Daniel calmed in his arms. Yet it didn't stop Ian from whispering to him continuously into his ear.

"Daniel baby... you're here with me. You're safe... I don't know what it was but it was just a dream baby. It's all okay, you're here with me. I've got you."

Daniel pressed his face more firmly into Ian's shoulder, trying to hide the emotional tears that were swelling in his eyes from his teammate. Daniel wasn't sure that he was hiding the silent tears, but for that moment at least Ian didn't press the question. He just ran his fingers along Daniel's back as he squeezed him even tighter.

Even once Daniel had calmed Ian didn't let go of his hold on Daniel. He kissed his hair and whispered against his temple. "That's my Daniel... tell me what you need baby. I'd do anything for you."

The young pitcher sighed as he nuzzled his nose into Ian's neck. "I need you... to make me feel alive. Please."

Carefully Ian pulled his his body away from Daniel, just enough to nudge him onto his back. He leaned over him, covering him with his body bare skin on each other. Ian pressed his forehead to Daniels for just a moment before he looked into his tearstained eyes, a thumb coming up to brush tears from them. Ian moved to sit back straddling Daniel's waist, one hand stroking against his cheek and beard.

"Like this, Baby?" Asked Ian before he leaned in to place a soft, gentle kiss against Daniel's lips. Ian's hand slid down his arm, and entwined their fingers together. Ian squeezed Daniel's hand and Daniel returned the gesture nodding.

"Yeah... but more." Daniel's words had a hint of desperation. "Please.. Fuck me till I feel alive. I need you tonight."

Ian sighed, a gentle smile creeping over his lips. "I will, promise. But you gotta slow down baby.... I'm going to make you feel so good. I promise." Ian squeezed his hand again, his other hand stroking over Daniel's beard in affection. "Fuck you're fucking beautiful. You are so goddamn perfect I have to fight getting hard every time I look at you."

Daniel couldn't help but chuckle gently at that. "It's going to be a fun season then."

"There's that beautiful fucking smile." Ian let go of Daniel's hand his fingers sliding over Daniel's large shoulders, across his firm biceps. "I hope I don't give you too many ideas though because that could be embarrassing for me. To be honest though, you know I'm going to want to fuck you after like... every game right baby?"