What Does It Really Mean to be a Child of God?

I grow up in a catholic family. My grandmother and even the rest of my family serves in the church that is why I am very much familiar with the word "church" and "Christian". I used to serve in the church as a part of the collectors for tithes and offerings in elementary and treasurer of Daughters of Mary Immaculate - Calamba Chapter, a church organization when I was in high school.

I used to go with my grandmother whenever there will be a "station of the cross" in our barangay and if we have gone to other places aside from that, I can't perfectly recall it. I used to be excited whenever I hear "Bisita Iglesia" because that will only mean one thing for me, we will travel from places to places to visit different churches. I used to be excited too whenever my parents are invited to do "Pasyon" in places other than our own house because probably, there will be lots of food available for free. I used to be excited whenever we start the songs but not when the clock struck at midnight or at dawn for that's when I yawn and fall asleep. I used to talk to our "Sto. Niño" like how I talk to a brother of mine because of the date engraved in its stand which is three days before my birthday.

I used to claim that I am a "Christian" but whenever there is someone who asked me if I am a Christian, I always tell them I am a "Catholic".

Isn't it absurd?

I used to correct them whenever they asked me that question even though I am a Christian since the Lord I know is "Jesus". I used to attend the "Sunday Mass" and actively participate whenever the choir sings "Christian Songs". I used to love everything I learned ever since childhood, there are too many to mention but not until I learned to think about it.

I became busy in school and learned to have fun with friends. I find it harder to attend the Sunday mass and serve God as days passed by. I don't know when it started but doubt began to grow in my heart. Then one day, I started to question my own tradition.

"Why am I doing it?"

"Is it even worth it?"

I became weary and things started to change. Whenever I have a chance, I find a way to make it to the Sunday mass because I wanted to hear something that can enlighten my feelings. But whenever the Sunday mass ended, one thing comes in my mind,

"That's it? It's already done?"

Something felt wrong inside me. It felt like something is missing. I felt like there's something that needs to be filled, my heart perhaps. Then that's when I started to ask,

"Is God really true?"

"Is Bible a legit source for everything?"

But later on, I realized that there is no reason for me to question God. He is REAL. I am just affected with my emotions that time. My emotions just went up and down like a mere teenager. Till later in my college years, I have met a group of Christians who held fellowship gatherings right there in our school campus and the real deal is that my thesis mates belong to that fellowship group. It was years in gap when I doubt God and His words till that realization of mine.

I started to attend that fellowship gathering and things started to change. It is a very heartwarming experience. How many times have I encountered people who introduced Jesus as my life's savior? Only God knows how long my list is.

It's a culture shock at first but whenever we talked about Jesus, I can't contain the longing inside me - the feelings I kept for so many years. The tears just can't stop from flowing - tears not only from my eyes but from within.

"How fool was I to doubt God when I am struggling and worship Him when I am happy?'"

I did not only doubt Him but I also doubt His words which have been written by His precious disciples. I repent and repent and repent. A simple sorry is not enough but I will not grow tired of humbling down myself in front of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.