dear tutor,
i was given a month
and a week extension
on 2 assessments
because i should be okay once
a month has passed
after all, after a month, at last
an 18 year old should be past losing her father:
a month is plenty of time, right?
and a week will make a difference to coursework i can't do
because a degree means nothing
when life means nothing to you
and people assume i'm bluffing
when i say instead of thinking about books and essays overdue
i'm thinking about killing myself
i want to drop out
not of university but of life
it's not as simple as handing in paperwork,
collecting your things, saying goodbye
to new friends you cared about
is it simpler?
i was made to scan a copy of my dad's death certificate
because i needed 'evidence' for my claim
or i won't be believed, my plead will be insignificant
do you realise how painful that is,
even looking at that document?
surely all the verification you need
lies in my lifeless eyes
pale, sleepless skin
shaking hands, cold inside
that you'll see on the rare occasion i attend a lecture
dear tutor, i'm a mess
most days i don't leave the flat
and some i don't even get dressed
i apologise if i'm failing, wasting
an opportunity i know i'm lucky to have
i worked so hard to get here
but i'm finding it too hard to stay here
on earth
