When You Came

The Bridge Incident

There was a time where I couldn't truly smile at myself in the mirror a time where everything in the world seemed to be against me and I blamed myself for it. That was before you came and after he left, you made me come out of the darkness and showed me my inner light by shining yours brightly on me even on days where all I wanted was to be left alone. I regret that now, wishing for you to leave me alone, you the shining star of my life the person who made me want to keep going. It's been five years now and despite being happy with my life the way it is I cant help thinking back to that summer when you came and my life finally began.......

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My life basically consists of various shades of grey, and no not like the movie my life's nothing like what a movie should be. There are times when I don't want to look in the mirror, afraid of what will be looking back at me, those days are a light shade of gray not much wrong but I cant quite be happy with myself. There are times when I don't care at all I just walk around indifferently with no opinion, not happy or sad, just there, a faint gray almost not visible. There are times when I just curl up into a ball and sob even though I don't know what I'm crying about, those days are the darkest of grays, almost black. But the black days, I don't know how to describe them, they're like everything wrong with me, with the people around me, with the world is thrown in my face like its my fault and nothing will ever be okay again and I cant make it go away or stop no matter how hard I try. There are some days though where it's almost white and I smile at things people say and I think maybe it will be okay and I will be fine and the gray might even go away. But in the back of my mind there are always reasons, doubts, fears and in my heart I know it wont. We'll talk about those later, the reasons that is, but for now lets start with the day I ran into you for the first time, quite literally, I'm afraid.

It was hot out. Not like the tropical kind of hot where you lay around and soak up the sun, but the kind of hot where going outside is an almost guarantee of sweat stains and sunburn. I was walking down to the swimming hole down the road and across the bridge. As usual I stopped on the small, wooden bridge for a while and looked at the serenity around me, a place of perfect calm in my world of chaos. There were poplar trees, a clear stream, wild flowers, and a cottage nestled in it all. I loved that cottage, looking at it I liked to imagine the stories and memories made there, it looked like something wonderful was waiting to happen. Well anyways I stopped that day and looked around like I usually did, but today was different. There was a moving van parked by the cottage, a man was walking around with a box looking for a place to put it. He had hair that was a mixture of soft brown and silver, a tan that looked like many years in the sunshine, and kind wrinkles around his eyes from smiling too much. He walked into the and you walked out, I couldn't look away. You went up the guy driving the van and shook his hand, smiling, and said something. He smiled back at you, said something, and then he drove away.

I should've stopped staring then, but for some reason I couldn't. Then it happened, you looked over at the bridge, your face changed into one of surprise before morphing into a smile. You lifted your hand to wave and I suddenly became very conscious of what I looked like. My hair was a mess from the warm summer wind that was blowing through the trees, I hadn't bothered putting makeup on that morning, I was wearing a t-shirt from summer camp three years ago and a beat up pair of jean shorts over my swimsuit, I was also slightly sweaty from walking in the stifling heat. So all in all I looked pretty crappy but you smiled at me all the same and so I raised my hand and waved back. Then I turned and walked the rest of the way to the swimming hole. The water was cold enough to make the heat bearable and it felt good to be away from home, but I couldn't get you out of my head.

Fast forward to about 2 hours later I decided that if I ran fast enough home I wouldn't be in the heat as long, I know my logic sucks but it made sense in the moment. I had ditched the t-shirt due to the heat and so I was wearing my bikini top and my jean shorts. I was rounding the corner before the bridge, and then suddenly I wasn't running anymore, I was on the ground. Disgruntled I looked around, and there you were, lying on the ground a few feet away. I started to apologize but you were already laughing, head thrown back and body shaking. I couldn't help myself and pretty soon we were both gasping for air. You stood up and offered me your hand, I took it and you pulled me to my feet. You pushed your dark hair out of your eyes, and brushed some dirt off your t-shirt.

"Are you alright," you said looking me over, a mixture of concern and humor on your face, it suited you well.

"Yeah, sorry I wasn't looking where I was going. No one else is usually out here," I said trying to fix my hair.

"It's fine, I'm just not used to being knocked over by pretty girls," you said smiling, your eyes had finally flashed with recognition, realizing I was the one standing on the bridge earlier.

"Right, well I'm gonna get going. My parents are expecting me home soon," I replied trying to hide the red spreading over my face even though I knew he was lying. I turned to leave and got to the end of the bridge before I heard your voice.

"The name's Jax by the way!" You shouted after me.

I looked over my shoulder, laughing, "Scarlet."

That day was almost pure white.