Where Are You Now

The Little Black Dress

A little black dress laid on my bed. The room was grey, a light shadow casting out from the window into my bedroom. I looked up at the mirror. A depressed, miserable little girl looked back at me. Her eyes were sunken like anchors. All the emerald green illumination that had once been there was simply gone. They say the eyes reveal everything about you. Maybe, I thought. But something tells me that the eyes aren't backlashers. They don't give you away unless they want to and even so, they don't know your secrets. Only the brain knows that.
  I tapped my fingers anxiously on the dresser. So many thoughts ran through my head.
What if I had stopped him that night? An echo vibrated throughout my body. What if his boss hadn't called him at midnight? Why not another time? The echo got louder. If his boss had called another time, maybe he'd be here! It was so loud I couldn't hear myself think anymore. Why didn't he tell me about his tat-
    The noise became too much.
"Enough!"
   Everything went away. Falling to my knees, my eyes closed. The bedroom dissolved into nothingness, leaving me in a blackened void. Yes. I was all alone in this black void. This life that I'm just existing in and not living. When his life was taken, a part of mine was taken too. The part that couldn't seem to fix itself because nothing was strong enough to.
  The tears wouldn't stop. They couldn't. Every emotion I'd been feeling up to this point had released itself from my body. Sadness, grief, desperation, despair. A cornucopia of emotions, everything that trapped the woman inside of me.
Eventually, the tears evaporated, but the demons were still there. They always will be. Because the pain will never go away. All shots have been fired. I survived them all, except for the last one. The one that would do much more damage than anything else. The man I loved was killed, and there was nothing I could do to it. To stop the call that came through on my phone at 2:30 a.m. Nothing could have prepared me for the news on the other end.
  Why? I constantly ask myself this question. Why do things happen that are completely out of our control? Are they meant to be? I'll never know. I will never have the chance to ask him.
  I rose to my feet, wobbling a little in the process. Who knew emotions could make you so weak. I turned to face the bed. On it remained the little black dress. I gently walked over to retrieve it. The fabric was soft and cottony. Lace embroidered the top, stretching down to the long sleeves.
  I sighed. He would have said I looked beautiful, like a midsummers day, and kiss me on the cheek. We'd smile and everything would be fine.
  My head glanced upwards toward the ceiling. At least he'll see me from heaven, I thought. His pearly white teeth, gorgeous blue eyes, and jet black hair pulled back in a man bun. You'd be lucky to meet such a man.
  Coming back to reality, I frowned. He's not here anymore, I told myself. I hoped the memories wouldn't flood back when I looked at his tombstone. Here lies Ryder Thomas Jackson. Rest In Peace. The thought was horrifying. Taking the little black dress, I walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

~lots of love my readers❤️