Hangman » Yoongi✓

PT19 : SECRET REVEAL

[19]

All that sleep I had missed, for at least ten years or more of my life. Had been restored in a week, and along with that, for once in my life I could reflect on myself, actually ask myself 'what did I want to do with my life?'

Well to be honest, before all that happened. I had wanted a family, you ask why I wanted that at such a young age?

Either you believe in me wanting parents, or having my own children. I would cherish both, because of course I had never really experienced anything to do with 'care.'

It never really hit me till now, till I was actually sitting alone that...I felt utterly reclusive and passionless, raking my head for anytime I was thoroughly hugged by anyone, would have to have been around a decade ago.

Maybe the reason why I had never been shown able compassion was surely because I didn't deserve it, or rather no one honestly treasured my mental state.

But in all seriousness, I had been striving till now, the want to love.

I didn't care, Boy or Girl, mother or father, sister or brother- I just want to feel beloved or rather admired, I want someone caressing my cheek and telling me I'm safe, that I don't need a gun beside the bed I sleep in, or that I no longer need to leave my eyes open while trying to sleep.

I closed my eyes tightly.

I could never have that chance.

I'm a monster.

I've murdered so many people.

I've wasted lives.

On my own doing.

With my own fingers, Pulling that trigger.

countless of times.

I pulled on a stoic and incomprehensible face, Immediately after the door was boldly knocked at. I sat up and wiped my face of any sweat or stray tears.

Someone walked in, only mumbling a small. 'Morning.' Before sitting in the chair beside the bed. Giving off a calming aura, Namjoon combed his fingers through his pink hair.

"How are you recovering? Efficiently, I hope." Namjoon had questioned, giving off a weak smile before crossing his legs and looking over my persona, red cheeks, scratched up face and now plain black hair.

I nodded, keeping my mouth shut until I couldn't take the unbearable question.

"You were awfully fast to get in here. What do you want?"  I asked, my voice scratchy from the amount of silence I had harboured through in the past weeks.

Namjoon sighed, before awkwardly scratching his neck, he looked away from my gaze, and towards the piano on the side of the room.

"I- I have a important question to ask you, I was hoping you—"

"No."

"What?! Oh come on! T—"

"No."

"Lark!"

I ignored his pleaded gaze and rolled my puppy dog eyes, turning towards my hands.

"I'm asking."

"Fine. Oh my god is it that serious?!" I drawled, after watching as Namjoon pulled a pen and note book out of his black jacket pocket.

Namjoon ignored me, speaking his question his eyes then pierced mine, we were no longer joking around, nor playing after the words left his lips.

"You have a sister don't you?"