Unexpected (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

Leave Me Alone

Losing someone was the hardest thing ever. That much I knew. I didn't quite know how to go about it. I didn't know how to grieve properly, if that is even possible. I didn't know anything about it.

I only knew one thing.

I loved the way she smelt. Tara always smelt like flowers, so elegant. Her smell matched her personality perfectly. Elogant with a hint of something wild. Like flowers.

Her room was the only thing of hers that I know smelt like her.

That one sense I still had left. I could no longer hear her voice, or feel her presence, or see her smile. Scent was the one thing I still had. It was hers. So I locked the door, sat on the bed and cryed. Holding her favorite scarf against my face.

A few weeks passed since her funeral, and I was still the same, depressed person. Tara still on my mind and nothin else.

It was as if the same questions would play in my head. Why? What if? How could? And when I got no answer, the question would replay.

I couldn't quite get them to stop replaying. I felt as if it were some sick punishment. For some reason I was being punished or tortured and it never stopped.

There was a knock on the door, "Jess, can you please open up?" it was my roommate Lexi. Sadly the only roommate I had left. The nasty thought stuck in my head and I knocked it out before another tear could shed.

There was a yearning in her voice, and maybe a little annoyance. But I was sure that I could beat her in who had more active emotions.

Lexi was me and Tara's roommate and friend. We met her several months ago when we needed help paying for rent.

I had lost my job and Tara could only work part time with school. A roommate was a smart idea, and to be honest, the only idea at the time. To help us pay for rent. And keep the lights on in our small, cozy three bedroom apartment.

Lexi was the first candidate. She was smart, witty, had a full time, good paying job, and we clicked from the start. The three of us were unseperable.

I hadn't seen her in a few days. I had been too busy in another world. Too busy replaying questions.

I hesitantly got up and opened the door a crack, "I wanna be left alone." And it was true. I did. I couldn't socialize. I wasn't ready. I was too afraid that if someone mentioned a single thing about Tara, big or small, I'd lose my shit.

Alexis was never really good with deaths, or feelings, so she didn't care what I wanted or not, she barged in the room. Shoving me aside so that she could find her way in. Part of me was surprised she did so.

She crossed her arms and stared me down. "Jess, you are really starting to worry me, you haven't eaten, or slept, or been out of her room since the funeral. I know its hard, for you more than me, because she was your sister but, sitting in here and wallowing in the past... its not going to bring her back." The last part of her words came out in a subtle whisper.

I was shocked, and sort of offended. There was no hint understanding in her voice. It was as if she were fed up with my behavior. Like it was such a burden on her for me to miss my sister.

Who did she think she was? The exhaustion I had felt shifted to pure defensiveness. "You don't think I don't know that?! I'm not some child, I know she's not coming back." A small tear of anger and sadness ran its way down my cheek. Saying that out loud, made it for more serreal. Tara isn't coming back.

I snapped out of my thoughts back to anger. "Who do you think you are to tell me what I should be doing? You don't know what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking or what I'm going through so don't act like you do." My tone was something that scared me a little bit. It felt like someone else talking from my body. Using my voice and my thoughts, just saying it more bluntly than I usually would.

Alexis looked at me, her eyes filled with sorrow. They stuck sternly on me. Like she was mentally telling me, she was giving up on me.

She spoke softly. "She wouldn't want you to do this Jess." Her eyes gazed down and she left the room.

The anger I had felt turned off like a light switch.

Bam. Those words hit me like a ton a bricks. And all of a sudden I stopped. I stopped everything.

Alexis was right. If Tara were here, she'd kick my ass for even just being in her room. Let alone crying over her death for weeks on end.

I stood there speechless for a moment. Its crazy how fast a mindset could change. In all of my depression the past few weeks, one thought came over me. And it wasn't a question for once.

She only died once, but she lived every day of her life. I should be thinking more about the life she lived. And moving on from the past. Taking her memory with her.

No matter how safe this room felt. Now matter how much easier it was, hiding from confrontation and being alone instead, I had to make a move. My sister would want me to.

So I left her room finally. But I took the scarf.