to the boy who made a fool of me,
why even lie
when i ask why you brought your friend
i know he wasn't there to hold my dog
and i know he didn't walk ten blocks in the three minutes you knew
i was bringing my dog
and if he somehow was so great as to pull that feat off
maybe i should have been climbing
to the top of a parking garage
in the dark
to see him
instead of you
why so much effort
why did you take so much time just to do what you were going to do
they've tried before
i'm no idiot
but they gave up
you
you've spent a month of
"wya"
emojis
invitations
requests
compliments
talks at one am
picture after picture after picture
i missed you knew
eventually i'd have to believe you
i always wanted to believe you
do you know what you did
to me
to my mind
to my relationships
you showed up and i forgot them all
i would have rather talked to you
than my friends
than my family
than him
soon
you were him
i never quite took you seriously
the whole time
but still
it was nice to be answered and smile
every time
do you know what you were
what you are still even though i want to hate you
you are safety
you are familiar
you are that tall embrace that i want to stay in forever
with your arms around me
you are real
you are protection
mainly from myself
blocking every punch
every dagger
i hurl at mself
you are a mystery
because i still don't know if you meant any of it
or why i'm still picking up my phone
to see what you have to say
