there is no specific moment where i come to love you. loved, love, will love - they all blur into one. you live in a corner of my heart that seems to slip out of my mind sometimes, but don't worry, brother. you still have a home here.
i hope my heart is comfortable, with soft carpet and a big shiny kitchen and a backyard for bare feet to run across, just like our old house. i hope you smile when you remember what it's like here.
(i hope you remember.)
men have always scared me; irrational, i know, but fear is rarely very rational. and yet, in all the pictures i see of you through a bright screen at 2am, you are not the boy i grew up with - you are a man. eighteen going on nineteen, on top of the damn world, with no space in your mind for a child like me.
maybe your new girlfriend has moved into the place in your heart i used to live. maybe it's filled with cotton wool, packed full until the numbness feels natural. maybe you just put a lock on it and threw the key an ocean away, and maybe one day, i'll find it washed up on the shore.
i want to curse at you, want to scream down the phone that you'll never pick up and rip out part of your heart like you did to me last summer when you told me you were too busy with your school and your car and your whole new fucking life to follow the obligation to talk to me. but you know i'll never do that - you know i'll never scream and kick and twist your organs till they bleed as well as you know i was sobbing into your shirt when i needed to say goodbye.
you have pulled and teared and dismembered my heart, and yet somehow, it has still found a way to keep loving you. your place in it has been gathering dust, but just say the word and i will make it look as good as new for you.
come back home, brother.
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damn this is Sad Bitch Hours !
sorry if this is bad yall i find it kinda hard to write shit about my personal life because it feels like i'm tearing my heart apart and combing through my brain to find the right thoughts but Uhhhh yeah hope this isn't too shitty
