My Feeling

Prologue

See, this is no ordinary story. This is my story. Oh, wait. I lie....that is an ordinary story. 

I am not special. I have everything you have. A name, a mind, a beating heart. But my heart has a wall around it and there's a monster lurking behind me, watching my every move. Do you have that? Yeah, I know what you are going to say. You will say "wtf a monster? lol no I don't have that". But trust me. you really do. you just don't know it. I'll show you! And if you are smart, you will understand. Perhaps even find your monster. Can you outlive him though?

Everyone has a monster. some kind of creature that follows them around and steals their food and thoughts and feelings. some kind of animal that brings luck or bad luck or nothing. something big or small, hairy or smooth. a thing that takes your words and puts new ones in your mouth for you. Everyone's monster is different. My monster ruins everything good, that I know for sure. 

This monster, he's part of me. He lives with me, sleeps with me, and sometimes feels for me. He eats up my words and spits them back up rearranged. I'm kind of used to it after 18 years. I know he's not going away. We are intertwined and glued together. He's not going anywhere and neither am I. We are stuck. Truth is, sometimes he helps me say no and sometimes he helps me break the rules. But I mean, some rules are meant to be broken...right? He helps me question my life choices and my reason to live. He helps me feel a little more alone than I should be. 

That's not the important part of my life though. We should definitely ignore that. The important part is that I finally find out who this monster is. Believe or not, I've never seen him before. I don't even know his name. He's just always there. In the shadows. And this is the story of how I find him, expose him and get rid of him. or do I become him? Call it a mystery. Or an adventure. Or even my diary, I don't care. It is my story and it is real.