Feeling

FEEL

Its like a animal inside my skin.My skin is like a giant trampoline the animal is bouncing off of,trying to break through. The animal is, The animal is like a ball ofstring, a very slimy ball of string, a never ending ball of slimystring. Its a string of bad feelings... sadness, frustration, anger,self doubt, anxiety, worthlessness, disappointment in myself, I am afailure, anxiousness, stupidity, guilt for nothing I did, emptinessand nothingness and all the emotions in the universe. When ever Ifeel bad, its like somebody is pulling on the string and its just unraveling me, inch by inch. I'm filled to the brim with emotions Icannot control and its over whelming and scary. Sometimes when itsreally intense, it is like a knot in my stomach and chest, well thereis a metaphorical war in my head, it feels like there is a physicalwar on the inside... its twisting and contorting and exploding andimploding, I need it out, its possessing me and I feel like I need torip it out of me and and and.... it just stops... I feel empty...gone... inhuman.. as soon as I take that blade, my nails, teeth to myskin. It stops, like when you finally stop needing to sneeze justbefore you do, But just like the need to sneeze stops... you know itsonly a matter of time before it comes back, you don't know when, youdon't know with what velocity it will catapult itself back into yourlife... you know its coming back though, you can feel it start tobuild again, you can feel the itchiness in your nose, the turmoil inmy head I forgot about for 30 seconds, is building and building andbuilding, sometimes that is a build over months, sometimes weeks,days, hours, minutes, seconds, and... you stop again, and feelworthless and guilty and stupid and dumb and you feel like a failurefor what you just did. I collapse on my pillow, bean bag, desk chair,where ever. Then I feel guilty for being so ungrateful for my life, Ihave a roof over my head and food on my table, why feel like this!YOU ARE STUPID AND WORTHLESS AND DO NOTHING BUT ANNOY PEOPLE ANDDRAG... nobody loves you, nobody ever will... I know this is nottrue, I have people that care about me, I just cannot get thatthrough my thick skull... I don't know what I can say really, therest that goes on in my head is a silent war, its happening, but younever can describe how it feels... its like trying to describe whatit feels like to stub you little toe to somebody who doesn't haveone, painful, unrelenting and a often occurrence.... remember thatsneeze... I never said I sneezed, just that the feeling went away,you see the sneeze is the final release, and if I were to sneeze itwould be my final release.

[author notes: this was just kinda a short thingy i wrote... i just did in my bed at 2 in the morning and now im publishing it... so everybody can see... oh god what am i doing... anyways, i hope you guys don't relate to this.. because i would never wish this on like... the worst people... I Donn't know if I'll do like a second part... depends how depressed i feel... and btw... these are all feelings i have have so, like no hate please..]