The Fault in Our Stars: Epilogue

It's been 3 years now. I couldn't believe it, but at least I assumed it had been 3 years. It all seems like a blur to me, and I haven't changed at all, so that made it really hard to tell. I only knew it had been that long because that's the number of times my headstone gets covered with flowers and candles.

That first week was a nightmare. I kept trying to leave, trying to call out to people, trying to call Hazel and Issac, but my calls kept dropping and every time I walked away from where I was, I ended up back again 2 minutes later. But when I saw Hazel and Issac and my parents and everyone standing around as they lowered a casket into the ground, I knew it was me. And I knew I was dead.

From then on, I mostly slept on my grave. I would wander around, sometimes meeting others, and we would chat a bit, but within a few days (at least I thought they were days) they would disappear. I assumed this was were you went before you really passed on. But I wasn't sure.

God, I missed Hazel. I missed her face, her voice, her laugh, everything. Every now and then she would come by, maybe stick something on my grave, or just sit there and talk. Most often she would just sit in silence, with Issac off to the side near by. I would always get so excited when she came, and for the first few months I would forget I was dead and try and talk to her, but then I would see how sad she was and remember. That tore me up inside, seeing her like that. I wanted to see her smile, but since I couldn't leave, and I only saw her when she visited, I only saw her sad and crying.

Today, I was sitting on my headstone, which read: "Augustus Waters: Loving Son, Friend, Boyfriend, and a courageous fighter of Cancer." Flowers and candles and cards and stuffed animals covered the ground in front of it, this time for the third time. I was thinking about my parents, and when I was going to pass on, if I would be able to visit or see them from wherever I was going, when I heard voices and footsteps approaching.

"Just a few more steps." Hazel said, as she guided Issac over. "Okay, here we are. Can I have the flowers?"

He handed her the flowers, and she set them among the rest. They were orange tulips, just beginning to bloom. Just like the ones I had given her when I told her we were going to Amsterdam. They stood in silence for a bit.

"Could you give me a minute Issac? I kinda want to be alone..." Hazel asked.

"Sure. Take all the time you need. I'll make my way back to the tree. It's not difficult, I can manage." He kissed her on the cheek, which I found odd, and began walking away, tapping his cane on the ground as he went.

She was 19 now, and she looked even more beautiful than ever. She hasn't grown much, so she still fit in the dress she wore on our date at the Oranjee, and she had her oxygen tank with her like always. She sat down in the grass in front of the headstone.

"Hi Augustus. How are things? I hope in that someplace you can hear me. I miss you, a lot. So does Issac. Your parents say hi, by the way. They miss you too. We all do." She picked some blades of grass and twisted them between her fingers.

"I hope you like the flowers. I saw them at the store and thought of you, well, I always think of you, but these reminded me of..." she trailed off, he eyes brimming with tears.

"I graduated a few years ago. I've been interning when I can, trying to get the experience I need to get a job, but I am limited to what I can do. Whatever job I do get, though, will most likely be a Cancer Perk."

I smiled and laughed at that, but of course, she couldn't see me.

"I love you Gus, so much it hurts." she was crying now. "But you're gone. I know I have to move on, but...I don't know if I even want to, or if I'm ready..." she wiped her eyes. I hated seeing her like this. I wanted to hold her in my arms so bad, more than anything else in the world, but as far as she knew, I was 6 feet under where she was sitting.

"I've been helping Issac out, and we've been growing close. I'm starting to like him, and I know he likes me too. But, I wasn't sure if...if you would be okay with it...if I maybe dated him. I just...I know you loved me, and I still love you. I've been trying to let go, but I can't." She was bawling now. I teared up a bit, seeing her like this, hearing what I was hearing.

She was right, I did love her, and I understood what she was going through, because I've gone through the exact same thing. I've been in her shoes, and it took me a while to move on, but when I did, I found her. Issac was a cool guy, he deserved Hazel. She had a chance to have a life with a guy who was going to live for as long as she would. She deserved to be happy. And as much as it hurt me, I knew she had to move on, and that I had to let her go too.

I don't know what came over me, but I got down from the headstone and kneeled down in front of her. I reached out to tilt her head up to look at me, and for some unexplainable reason, my hand made contact. She looked up and her eyes grew wide.

"Gus...?" she sobbed.

"Hazel Grace, you've spent too many tears on me. I love you, and you know I always will, no matter what. I know that you will always love me, too. But I need you to let me go. I won't mind, I know you'll always remember me. And Issac is the best guy I've ever known. If there was anyone I'd have you date, it would be him." I was crying now, but I didn't try to hide it.

"It hurts so much." she cried. I wiped her tears away with my thumb.

"That's the thing about pain; it demands to be felt. And if we did not know pain, how could we know joy?" I kissed her head, then helped her to stand up. She hugged me tight, kissed me, and I swear we were right back at the Anne Frank House. When we pulled apart, she wiped her eyes and took a step back. I felt warm and fuzzy all over. I looked down and saw that I was glowing.

"Will I ever see you again?" she asked.

"Yes. We will meet at Someplace, and I'll be waiting with orange tulips. But you take your time getting there, I won't mind. I can wait." she smiled a bit at that, and I began to glow brighter.

"Okay?" I said, remembering our always.

"Okay." Hazel replied, tears streaming down her face.

Then everything went white with light, and she disappeared.