The day was like any other, a sunday, so I was relaxing since I didn't have to worry about any school work. I had plopped down onto my bed, a squeak admitted from the mattress in protest of the sudden weight thrown on top of it. I squirm until I'm in a comfortable position and plug my ipod in to charge. Once the small battery in the corner turns green and I don't have to fiddle around with the cord I reposition again. Now in my 'gonna watch youtube for a bizzilion hours' pose I open the familiar red play button app and click something random yet interesting in my recommended videos, it so happens to be Team Edge doing some challenge.
I lay like this for a long while, watching whatever video YouTube recommended I watch next. Hours pass and my mother gently knocks on my door. I pause my video and sit up, not even getting the chance to say come in before she opens my bedroom door. The door itself is stopped by the large amount of random stuff I keep in the corner. My attention is briefly drawn away from my mothers entrance as I watch all the drawings I have hung up on my wall flutter from the doors draft. I look back at my mom and her expression worries me. Her face is soft, the corners of her mouth drown downwards, not by much but more than her average resting expression. She clears her throat before she fully enters my room, shutting the door til it was only open a smidge. "I have bad news.." I stare at her and I can tell she's waiting for a response. I purse my lips, licking at the chapness of them. "Wh-what is it?" I didn't mean to stutter but I can't help this sinking feeling. "You're Nana passed away." The words were simple and short, but it felt like a truck had hit me, demolishing any bliss I had. I stare at her, eyes wide in shock at what she had just said. For a whole minute I'm silent before my lower lip starts to quiver and turns into a bow shape. I choke out a breath and that's my moms que to approach me and wrap her arms around me. I let out a whine, tears quickly rolling down my cheeks and gather at the bottom of my chin before dripping down onto my lap. I wail loudly and lean into her embrace, my quick breaths becoming muffled in her chest. She rubs my back for a long while, mumbling sweet condolences. I remain silent besides choking out sobs. My chest was contracting so tightly it felt like my heart was going to burst and my lungs were going to collapse under the heavy weight of despair
Eventually I calm down enough for my Mother to ease her way away from me. She tells me a few final things to make sure I'm okay but it lands on deaf ears. She leaves, shutting the door gently behind her. I sit there, slumped over so my final tears would drip onto my blanket covered lap. It's not long till I topple over, withering up into a ball where I can hold myself. I want to cry more but I can't find the energy to bring on more tears. I want to scream, to hurt myself, to do something. But I can't, I'm frozen, a hollow statue that can do nothing but watch the world go by.
Memories of nana suddenly flood into my mind and take my mind off of the pain of my heartbreak, numbing it just for the moment. She was a sweet old lady, with stereotypical white curly hair and pasty wrinkled skin, both soft to the touch. I remember the few times i was able to visit her and how largely she really impacted my life. How when I was younger she allowed me to play with her hair, clipping and brushing it in many silly ways. How she helped me discover my love for mushrooms and taught me proper eating etiquette. We would watch sports together, and she took the time to answer each and every question of mine since I had no idea how baseball worked at the time. Her warm hugs and wet kisses, oh how I wish my younger self wouldn't attempt to dodge them. More wishes seem to pop into my head and the feeling of regret takes me over. I wish I'd called more. I wish I'd visit more. I wish I'd overall gave her my full attention. Something else trickles in and my breathing stops as I remember. I could of talked to her one last time. I remember I had saw a post the day earlier, about Nana being in the hospital and how my aunt was hoping for her to get better. I had a chance and I did nothing. The guilt sunk in fast and it physically hurt. Death had been knocking on my front door and I chose to ignore it. My breathing starts to become uneven again and I'm practically choking on air. I sit up and let out a hoarse sob, my body spasming as I breath out. I reach up and grip tightly at my unruly hair, tugging at the locks in anger at myself. I let out a scream before letting go and rubbing my eyes with my palms. My hair slowly falls down to gently touch my forehead and I push my hands up to press it back. I keep my fingers rested between the strands to keep it them into place. I sniffle, my mouth locked into an intense frown with my bottom lip quivering.
I slowly get up, knocking my blanket off of around me. I make my way to my door, tripping slightly over a stuffed animal. I'm able to catch myself on the door frame but I don't make the effort to push myself back straight. I press my forehead to the wall, resting it there. The coldness of it reminds me of how red my face must be. It also reminds me of how heavy my eyes feel, stinging and puffy from how much crying I did. I shut them, taking another moment before pushing up and opening my door.
The sound of the TV in the living room is fuzzy to my ears and I don't glance around to see if my grandma was watching tv or not, my head lowered and my gaze locked on the sand colored carpet. One of my cats came running over but I don't pay him any mind, going straight into the bathroom without giving him the chance to even rub up against me. Once back in solitude I slowly start to strip but pause as my mother knocks on the door. I pull my shirt back down and grant her entry which she takes no time upon entering. She looks at me and the silence is thick. I gulp dryly, waiting for her to speak. "I needed to tell you, that if you want, you don't have to go to school tomorrow," I nod in understandment. "And if it's a snow day tomorrow then on tuesday you can stay home, If you want." I nod again, stuttering out a small yes as I gave a small amount of courage to look up at her "I-I want to..please." My mother nodded at that and proceeded to leave.
