A Love That Is Hopeless | Leighade

one

jade.
trigger warning: eating disorder & depression

A shaky sigh escapes my lips as I take a seat on my hospital bed. I stared around the plain, white room. It was very different compared to my own room. Mine had posters and the walls were painted a deep purple colour. I remember having to force my mother into letting me paint my room purple. She did indeed, put up a good fight. Little did she know how much went on inside those purple-painted walls.

I catch my reflection in the mirror, I look so different. My brown eyes no longer sparkled and my rosy coloured cheeks were no longer red, just pale. My eyes had sunken deep into my head, my lips were dry and cracked.

I'm not allowed to complain though. After all, I did this to myself. I let myself starve day after day. Therefore, I have no right to complain about my looks.

"Jade," my mother's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes?" I say, turning around, facing my mother whose face was tear-stained.

"Promise me, you'll get better," she spoke with sad eyes.

I sighed, not saying a word and facing the mirror again. I lightly ran my fingers over my stomach that grown so small, "I don't know."

"Jade, you're killing yourself!" My mothers words were painful to hear but it was the truth. But I don't care. If I cared, I wouldn't have starved myself in the first place.

My mother let out a harsh sigh and left the hospital room, leaving me by myself. I know that I have grown ignorant towards my family, I use to so happy and confident. Something that I haven't felt since my Pop and father passed away, one year ago, next Tuesday.

I played with the hem of my patients dress. The fabric felt like a cheap table cloth. Why did they have to dress me in such an uncomfortable outfit? I'd much prefer to wear my black sweats and my band t-shirts. But those days are long gone.

A few minutes past of my playing with the controls of my new bed before a doctor entered my room, my mother quickly following behind him. He was tall and dark-skinned and he wore a frown on his long and aged face.

"Hello Jade, I'm Dr. Dean Emery. I'll be taking care of you for the duration of your stay," he explains while he attaches a clipboard to the end of my bed.

"Brilliant," I reply sarcastically, earning a gasp from my mother.

"Jade Thirlwall, do not disrespect your doctor! He is only trying to help you," She explained, putting a firm hand on my shoulder.

"No, he is just doing his job. He wouldn't be here unless he unless he was getting paid," I spat, making my mother become even more furious. "I'm going to go for a walk."

Without approval, I ripped myself from my mother's grip and exited the hospital room.