lovesick

19.

i feel so stupid

i have never once held a hand

i don't know what butterflies are

but i do know that they only live for a day

i have never seen an admiring glance

but i am an expert on disgusted stares

hugs are not in my field

but fake smiles are my experty

i know i will never smile when i feel him next to me

because my side will always be empty

my lips will always stay a virgin

they won't get touched by lustful kisses or even hesitated fingertips

i will waste myself away

sitting by my bedroom window

watching love trick people

but wishing to be tricked all my goddamn life

i know love is just an illusion

but i love magic