Last kiss

Без названия, Часть 1

The heart misses the blow - Jeno tries to breathe, shaking all over the body; he does not believe what he sees - he would have to leave, but his legs do not obey. A long month he guessed, but still did not dare to make a conversation. He does not dare to do it now.

* * *

For the first time they spoke to each other in the dining room, mixing orange and pomegranate juices, and ringing loudly with glasses. Apology in English Jeno accepted with a smile - Mark always seemed to him too steep, too popular and a lot more with "too." However, with each day Lee revealed more and more qualities in Mark, replacing "too far" with "insanely nice and friendly."

It seemed that their friendship lasted a lifetime (which they did not even suspect); once on the sports ground, after another workout, Mark changes it. His hands suddenly draw Jeno to his hood, drawing him into a kiss. They smile at each other on the lips, both flushed not at all because of the frost; Mark unquestionably pronounces the cherished "let's meet," and comes across the lights in his eyes opposite.

"Will you say it in English?" whispered Jeno and catches a return smile, scrolling in his head heard for a long time.

Jeno fell in love with basketball, English (played by Mark especially) and winter; Mark loved the incomprehensible higher mathematics, horrors and coffee. And the bus stop on which the guys used to be separated, dispersing in different directions of the city, now was not a hindrance - daily guests in their apartments became a tradition, and night embraces - a habit that they never seemed to refuse.

* * * 

Jeno really does not understand (or did not want to understand) everything. Mark increasingly misses classes, becomes "too busy" and does not dedicate it to his plans. He has sharp mood changes and "it does not matter, Jeno, it's okay." Jeno (he does not want, really, but) feels guilty about it; he continues to believe that Mark is just busy (he is now an excellent pupil, and now he helps all who are not too lazy, and he is also in the basketball team, so he devotes all his free time to training), and he just needs to give time.

However, the more passed this time, the more Jeno was convinced of his wrong: somewhere disappeared daily messages and regular night calls; in the air at their meetings a lot of words evaporate, being replaced only by banal greetings; long walks remain only in memories.

And one day everyday Jeno decides to intervene in Mark's plans and talk about everything that happens. Pride is not important to him now, even if it's childish, and he writes to Mark first: he responds positively to the request for a meeting, making Jeno smile broadly at the phone's screen.

Without waiting for the agreed time, he goes to the courtyard of the school, crossing the sports ground - Mark must go home from training. Jeno hopes that he will not forget to put on his hat so as not to get sick like last time (then both of them were lying around at home - Mark is on sick leave, and Jeno is just like that, for who, like Jeno, could cure the elder with daily brought fruits, tea with lemon and a scattering of kisses on the body).

Memories are interrupted and forgotten in a moment. Jeno slows down and sees a smile in the distance (which he has not seen in a long time), clearly not intended for him; someone's hands, hugging his neck and a loud laughter, echoing across the place. He recognized this profile of a stranger - a guy from a parallel group with whom they crossed only a couple of times, now kisses Mark playfully on the cheek.

Legs still obey, and Jeno leaves, where his eyes look; he tries to come up with an adequate explanation for this all, but all is vain (they are, after all, not in some drama with a happy end). Probably, it would be worthwhile to go home and forget this as a terrible dream, but Jeno is not in a hurry to cancel his plans - Mark's consent does not leave the head for the meeting; did the elder plan him the same way he did himself? But If Jeno wanted (to try) to start all over again, then Mark wants to put an end to their story. From these thoughts it becomes even worse.

* * * 

Jeno does not shake at all from the cold; he sits in the once-loved two cafes, holding the cup with frappuccino firmly. The younger scrolls through his head and bites his lips - he is definitely not ready for today's meeting, and the thought of "running away from here right now" is interrupted by a gentle touch of the familiar hand of his shoulder.

Mark takes off his down jacket and sits opposite; a red nose with frost, hands looking for warmth, and eyes that do not look straight, but through. Jeno used to observe this, it seems, for an eternity, but today he was sitting as if he were a stranger.

"Already made an order? Sorry, I was delayed in training."

Jeno nods, suppressing a growing lump in his throat. He did not even see Mark's bag with which he usually goes to practice. The younger gently puts the cup on the table, afraid that hands shiver will give it out, and watches as Mark makes an order.

After that, Mark tells of everything little by little - as if there was no uncertainty at all this month; he laughs when Jeno tries to joke and just tries to joke in return. Everything would be perfect, if not. And they both know about this - occasionally tense looks to the side make themselves felt.

* * * 

They walk along the snow-covered street, fighting the wind - Jeno occasionally silently catches his hood, and Mark - snowflakes on a hat, which Jeno, by habit, put on him. Jeno suppresses the anger inside himself - he did not say anything at the cafe, as soon as he saw the older man's smile; he is angry with Mark - because he also was silent, pretending that nothing happens. The youngest caught fire of hope - maybe, all the same, everything is not as it seems?

They stop at the same bus stop. There is a silence between them: Jeno looks down and waits, saying in his thoughts, "Well, say something." Mark does not say anything. He silently walks up to the guy, gently takes him by the hood and draws him to him.

Mark's eyes are full of regret and sadness; he often breathes, releasing steam from his mouth, and then - comes closer, weightlessly touching the lips of Jeno, lingering for a moment. After, whispers on the lips "sorry". Out loud - only once, with your eyes - endlessly. He steps back and looks at the guy; he notices how his long eyelashes tremble, and his lips tremble. He touches his cheek with his finger and again utters apologies like a prayer.

Jeno does not know what to say: he continues to look somewhere under his feet, because I'm sure - if he looks at Mark, then tears can't be avoided. He nods, barely noticeable, if not in his thoughts - Mark sees everything, feels. He understands that these apologies will not change anything, but to tell him more and nothing.

He unclasped his hands, releasing the hood, along with everything that was between them. Leaves on a couple of steps (a couple of thousand kilometers from the heart of Jeno) and, taking off his hat, extends it to the younger; whispers "thank you", mentally adding "for everything". Jeno on the next (last) time faces with Mark's cold hands frost from the frost and nods in response, tightly squeezing a large mating. Mark waits for any words from the younger, but turns around, taking a deep breath; and then, still, hears a quiet "don't go, please."

Mark bites his lip and squeezes his fists - a decision taken a long time, and Jeno must understand him. A cloud of steam sweeps the next "I'm sorry Jeno," followed by a crunch of snow.

Jeno, it seems, from the moment they came to the stop, and did not breathe at all. He watches the guy in the opposite direction, whose hair is quickly covered with snow flakes; everything is in the same place, for some reason, remembering what date is today. The snow begins to rage even more, sobering, in parallel with the raging feelings inside the younger one. He does not want to understand what reality has thrown at him - it was the last time he met Mark; the last "thank you" and "I'm sorry" (in English, which the youngest had time to hate); and the last kiss in their life.

And in his head only "again it will fall ill, a fool," which painfully passes into his heart all his lonely path to the house.