why did i wish for this?
is this the price of beauty?
cold hands?
blue lips?
pale skin?
a constant headache stuck
in my head like a bad song?
hearing
"you're skinny enough!"
but never seeing it?
pinching
pulling
squishing
prying
crying
praying
weighing
trying
trying so hard
to lose those
5 damn pounds
only 5 more pounds i say
but 5 pounds are gone
and so are 5 years of my life
life i will never have control over
she has control
and there's nothing i can do
to stop her.
"just eat"
it's not that simple
you don't see
me calculating calories
like it's the only thing that matters
you don't see me at home
twisting and turning
in my mirror to see
if i can get a good angle
you don't see
my silent tears as i smile
with my head held high
as if nothing bothers me.
and the the truth is,
the only thing that bothers me
is me.
