You Need To Know

Chapter Three

Dear James,

I never knew what it felt like to have someone walk away. Until you. You showed me exactly what it was like to watch someone walk away and never speak to you again. I don't know what it is that still has my heart tugging with pain and brokenness and sadness all at the same time. But I know why. It's because of you. To have you walk away was the saddest I've ever felt because I watched you do it. I watched you walk right out of my life. Why? Why were you losing feelings for me? Why weren't you talkative at dinner? Why did you wait until the last class of the day to break up with me when you could've saved my heart some misery and broke up with me when you walked me to my first class? Why would you let me feel that pain? Why don't we talk anymore? Why did you tell me that you just wanted to be acquaintances? Did you not want to feel any pain either? Did you walk away right after because you didn't want to see my face? Do you not want to talk to me again because of what? I need to know, James. These questions are leaving me confused and probably why the pain is still there. I'll be frank with you, James. I do want to send you a text right now. I do want you to read these letters. I do want to have you feel the pain I felt and the pain that I'm still feeling. You have no idea how much it hurts still. You have no idea how strong the urge is to talk to you. You have no idea how strong the urge is to cry over you. I'm not that strong, James. I'm not a stone wall. I'm just broken and cracked armor that needs to be put back together. I don't know if I need you in my life of if I don't. But I know one thing and I don't know another thing and it's that I know that I still want you in my life but I don't know if it'll be good for me to listen to my brain on this one. The last time I did listen to my brain, I ended up dating you. And truthfully, I know that I'm kind of scared that I will listen to my brain and text you.

Goodnight James,
Leslie