Remember me? That's right it's me! You know me. I know you do. The one you left to herself. Tossed to the side like garbage. The one you called crazy for telling people the truth about you. The one you said you loved and then ignored. The one who cried out for help and you left to drown in her own mind. The one who suffered under you. The one that suffered for you. The one that gave up everything and risked her entire mental state for you. Remember me? Of course, you don't. You move on so quickly, don't you? If you don't know who I am, isn't that a shame? I was the love of your life, wasn't I? At least that's what you told me. Didn't you? You came and you took a part of me. You tore me down and I took it as endearing. You made me cry and I thought it meant you loved me, and that I loved you. I thought that me being broken for you, meant us being whole. I thought me being down meant that I could lift you up. I gave everything to you. Everything I had. You threw me away like was nothing, so I realized that I was. I am the empty void floating above my own body, consuming all energy. I am the dark that follows the day. You made me feel sad, and I mistook that as pure joy. You were the waves giving me warmth, engulfing me in your salty embrace. I took you as you were, as you appeared and seemed. You took your mask off, and I still loved you. Showed me your true form, and I still stayed. Let's not forget that it was you, not I, that abandoned me. I ached for you, yearned for your love. Wished to feel your arms around me, but instead felt your invisible hands wrapped around my neck. Longed for the smile that would come after that long complicated pause between us. The way you would silence me with just a look because you thought I was stupid. The way you'd make me feel so insecure. The way you would make me shake at your touch not out of passion, but out of fear of not being good enough for you. NO, maybe I don't miss you at all. Maybe I miss the idea of someone being in love with me. But that wasn't loving. That was miscalculated passion. That was misunderstood hatred. What we had... What we had was coincidental. Two paths crossed at the worst of times, and we fucked each other up. We fucked each other over. We both fucked up. And I'm sorry you're so unreliable. I'm so sorry I'm a bitch. I'm so sorry you can't stay the same person for than a few months. I'm sorry that I was comfortable enough with that to stay. I did nothing but give, and you did nothing but take. I was blinded by... Now I'm not sure by exactly what. I know I'm nothing to you. Not a whisper in the wind or breath of fresh mountain air. Not a spec of dust. Not a ray of light. I wish you the things in life you want, but I also hate you to fucking pieces. You left me to my own thoughts, and you're the only thing that consumed them. I'm so much better now, and I'm the only one who can take credit for that. I miss the misery I felt with you. I miss the pain you caused me. I miss the way we'd fight. I miss all the bad things because I was never in love with you for the good, seeing as there truly never was any good. We are both walking clouds of dark, dissenting clouds, causing pain where ever we are, to whoever we're with. Talking of love as if we know what it is. As if we, as human beings, could understand the true extent of emotion that human beings experience, believing we could feel everything, if anything, at all. Remember me? Yes, it's me. The ghostly girl who haunted your life for one year and one month. The pale reminder that love can be fake, love can go wrong. That love isn't always sweet, and hate is a deadly weapon.
Truly never yours,
H.E.S.
