Diary

12-13

Ahh high school, the place where people right how much they want to die on the bathroom walls.

I remember it clearly waiting for the bus and seeing all those people. It was a fresh new start. More people more friends right? Well Kinda.

I met a girl in my class. Her name was Montana and we quickly became friends with a guy in our class called Matthew. I'd normally hang out with my older friends that we in grade 8. I'd started to get to know Montana when she left the school. I found out from her step sister that their parents had split and Montana was now home schooled. After that I was a little sad but I just talked to Matthew more when I was in class.

I started to hang out with my other friends. (Yeah I have two different friend groups). I got to know the new additions to the group. One of my friends got in a few relationships whilst I felt like no one would care about me because I didn't have a boyfriend. (The self worth is over whelming I know).

Whilst that was happening in my school life my "life" at home was getting worse. My dad had turned abusive and my mum would do nothing about it. One time he got violent and pushed me. He threatened to hit me with a bamboo stick. I was finally starting to control my tears getting ready to fight a bitch. He didn't hit me with it bc he knows I'd have put him in hospital with one or two hits.

Back my school life I was getting the worst period cramps ever. I wasn't paying any attention in class anymore. I was thinking about killing myself. I started to self harm in many different ways such as scratching and ripping my hair out.

A couple of months later I'd had enough of all the abuse and ran away from home. I went to my school, (idk why I just did it was the safest place that I knew of). You'd think I'd have left him saying he'll go into my room whenever tf he wants, nope. Me saying I'm like his slave and him proving my point even more? Nope. It was bc he said I had to use correct English. I'd taken a carton if milk, a thing of orange juice, a bottle of water, some rolls, some snacks and a bunch of carrots plus some other stuff like my phone and it's charger, my toothbrush and some clothes.

My mum and I decided to go to my best friends house. My dad got angry broke a basket and told my mum he expected papers (Divorce papers). So I skipped the rest of that week of school. A few weeks of my dad sayibg he'd look for a house my mum and I looked for a house of our own. 2 weeks later we had to move back into dad's. A week later my mum and I had found a house another week after that we moved in.

During this time only two of the staff at my school knew about my parents spliting up. One of them said to me "I know what you're going though but lots of people also go though it" and on the inside I was like 'you have no fucking clue' but obviously I didn't say that and I did much better on my next assignment.

Then I got other social media. I got Instagram. I started to post my cat on there. I'd told my best friend from musical.ly about it and what not. Instagram helped keep me from killing myself.

Soon after that the grade coordinator left, the only other person that knew about my parents. My MDT teacher became the grade coordinator. Don't get me wrong his a good teacher but his not the best grade coordinator in the world.

After that happened my depression got to a new low. My mum would neglect me, my dad who by now was my guardian had started to abuse the cats. I'd started to isolate myself from everything and everyone.

I'd turned my Instagram into a fanpage. So obviously I got lots of followers out of that.

I'd started to put depressing shit on my story in hope someone tried to help me. Well someone did. I'd put something on my story about killing myself or somthing like that and we'd talk often. I was lucky that he didn't sleep either. I'd tell him if I'd self harmed and he'd make me feel better. I knew I liked him, he knew I liked him but my friends didn't know for about a week. Soon after my friends found out I got his number.