Jeremy (You Gave Me the Light)

  I had a friend. We have been best friends for long. I know i feel something special for him but i treasured the friendship so much that i don’t want him to know. And in order to divert my feelings for him, i choose to entertain my long time suitor. Though i don’t like him, i was forced to entertain him to stop myself from loving my best friend. I said yes to the suitor and we became couple. My friend, upon knowing it, became very happy for me. He said, he was glad that i finally met someone meant for me. I thanked him for that but wept the whole night  after. I was thinking maybe he wanted me to be happy because he also has found the one but just waited for me to announce first. Despite that, we remain the best of friends. But i never saw him with another girl. I never saw him courting someone also. I was thinking maybe, he does not like anyone because he likes me. The thought makes me happy but i also punished myself after for thinking that way. Even if im not inlove with my boyfriend, i still have to think about his feelings and respect him. My boyfriend is so kind. He is the best boyfriend anyone could wish for but not me. He is handsome, intelligent, and rich if to include social status. He drives his own car. He mingles with his socialite friends. He travels to different countries on vacation. But he liked a poor girl, which is me. I don’t have anything except my brain and my beauty. But his friends accepted me for who i am. One day, I have learned that i am suffering from a serious eye disease. They call it nyctalopia. They said, it does not have any cure at present times. I cried and told to my bestfriend about it. He said, everything is gonna be fine. I wept and wept. I was worried that maybe no one will be there to guide me in the darkest days of my life. That i will be all alone in my battle for light. But he promised he will be there for me. I hold on to his promise. I later told my boyfriend about it. But he did not say anything. I was expecting comfort from him. I receive none. I never mind it. Maybe he does not love me enough the same as my bestfriend. Three months later, my disease became worst. I can no longer see. My eyes suddenly went blank. I was brought to the hospital. My bestfriend was there as always. But my boyfriend, he was nowhere to be found. I searched for him but it was futile. Then a doctor came and said that they have already found a cure to my disease. Actually someone studied for it. I was very glad to hear the news. Now i can still see my bestfriend. But before the doctor left, i asked him who discovered it in such a short span of time, and very much timely when my disease is getting worst. Then the doctor handed to me a letter. I was puzzled. I said i could not read it and i asked my bestfriend instead to read it for me. I was listening and my heart was crumpled to pieces. I didn’t know! I was so stupid. The letter says:  

Dear Mary,               

  Mary, probably when you hear this letter, i am already somewhere far. Somewhere where you cannot see me anymore. I’m sorry if was not able to show enough care when you told me about your illness. Actually i know it already so i wasn’t surprised. I knew it before you. I have been watching you since highschool Mary. I felt inlove with you the first time you passed by me in that clear Sunday morning. Because i love you so dearly, i was able to observe you. I have seen how you have struggled so hard when night time falls. I know that you cannot sleep when the light is off. That is why I always see to it that i will not bring you to places during night time. Your illness is the same with my mother. She too suffered from that and she couldn’t see until the day that she died.           

      Because i love you, i took up medicine as my course in college. I want to discover a cure for that illness because sooner or later you will suffer the worst of it. But i don’t want you to live forever in the darkness because i love you so much. I have been working hard for this cure. All day and all night especially after you told me you knew it already and that it is getting worst. Those times that you did not see me, i was in my own laboratory at home working on it.                 I’m sorry i was not able to go with you in the hospital during your check ups. I’m sorry i did not tell you personally how much you mean to me and how much i am willing to sacrifice for you. I know you just stay with me because you want to forget your bestfriend. I know it from the very start. But still i did not bother to ask because i love you that much.                

Mary, i want to give you the light because i love you. And i wish you enough.  

Love,

Jeremy                 

  Tears where flowing down my cheeks and i couldn’t help it. I ask the doctor, if my boyfriend is here. Why is he not the one handing the letter to me. But the doctor was silent for long. I asked again and this time i was begging. Then the doctor told me, “Just 4:00 in this morning, he was found dead inside his laboratory because of over fatigue. He was not resting for almost a week. He has been staying in the laboratory and never wanting to leave not unless he perfects  his experiment that would eventually give cure to illnesses like yours. But before he died, he was able to finish this letter and said that if ever something happened to him, this letter should be given to you as a proof how much he loves and cares for you.” That was the longest and the most painful explanation i had ever received in my entire life.   I did not marry. I’m now 35 and happy to be single. I am working in an NGO which provides help and assistance to people suffering from the same illness as i do. I have an adopted child and i always tell him the tragic but beautiful story of how i was given the light again because i was loved by a man more than himself and his name is Jeremy.