Absent Love

Introduction

From the very moment I learned of the end of this odd, tunnel being blocked off, the ordinary, 'fear' which entered the minds of many, never once entered mine. There was no panic, and my heart rate did not change. In fact, I felt comforted.

As our train tried to slam on its breaks, even though it would be all for nothing, I caught of glimpse of my reflection in the window next to me. A simple, pure smile, not one of a wicked person, was all I saw.

I was unsure of how such scum as I- could look so pleasant during a frightening moment for all of the train's passengers.

Immortality was not yet a painful curse of mine, and it wasn't to be shoved onto me just yet. How was I happy? I can't recall ever craving to end my life, but I was perfectly fine with dying at this very moment.

As the train collided into the tunnel's blocked off exit, the dimly lit lights in the train flickered off. All of the passengers screamed out of pure fear. That, of course, excluded me.

I just sat still on my uncomfortable bench on the train.

Some lights above me cracked, their glass shattering everywhere.

A baby was crying for only a moment before it went silent. I could only suppose it had died, for its parent or guardian began sobbing. Was it their own fear of dying, or genuine pain for the death of the innocent? All in all, I didn't care. That's the kind of person I was.

Alone, somewhat emotionless, and unloved. And when you are all three of such things, your love for others and longing to help them vanishes...eventually.

Nobody seemed to notice me. That being said, I recall pulling out my old notebook, scribbling down a few notes here and there. This journal would be in ashes in only a few moments anyways.

"Forgive me for never being the person you wanted me to be, my dear."

That was the final thing I managed to write before my lungs began to burn. I coughed, struggling to breathe. I couldn't comprehend why I was even attempting to stay alive.

All of the passengers were silent. The train doors had remained locked, causing all one hundred passengers to fall victim to this unfortunate disaster. I presumed they were either dead, or about to be. After all, I was going to be next.

Fire surrounded me. Flames began to eat away and my shoes. This was utterly ridiculous, in my opinion. My feet are terribly sensitive to heat. I still refused to move, of course.

Ripping out the page in my old journal, which I had just written on, I blew on the thick paper, then tossed it to the flames surrounding me.

By now, my bench had caught on fire, as did my trench coat. My scarf wasn't on fire yet, but it was about to be.

I began to find my own situation quite amusing, beginning to laugh.

At last, after several minutes, the flames finally killed me.

I rasped out my final words in an attempt to make quite the depressing, dramatic scene. One which my dream child would see in an angsty teen film.

"My love, I will see you in the next life! I'll never forget you!"

But, you see, I had already forgotten this person I once loved in my life. My love for them had meant the world to me, yet my memory of them, after several decades, had faded.

The moment I died, I single crow's feather fell in front of my eyes. It was the last thing I ever saw in that life, but it wasn't the last thing I remembered.

That was the moment I realized, that blasted crow's feather had probably cursed me! Those creatures have always frightened me.

But, at this point, wether or not I had been cursed or blessed with immortality, my memory was washed away.

All I can remember are my final moments on that train. And that doesn't bother me in the least.

I have a mission in my new life now. That mission is to find the one I once loved, for I am nearly positive they have died and come to this new world I dwell in as well.

My name is Karamatsu. That is all.