Julie

Chapter 1

Summer In Australia that means school holidays one more year until I'm out for good. I keep getting asked what I want to do after high school go to uni? Get a full time job? I want neither I hate the idea of being stuck working for someone else my entire life, which will be exactly that if I decide to put myself through hell for another 4 years or start some entry level job as a receptionist. I want to create my own job where none of it I will be dreading to do. So its basically being a celebrity with a twist. I don't want the fame I don't need a lot of money but I will not succumb myself to the ways of how people live and afford to be in todays society. 

I don't think I have a lot of faith in humanity, I mean we still have horrible white old men as positions, sorry its a little bit racist but i'm not sorry; its true, they are mostly horrible people. Just take a look at Donald Trump I feel really sorry for America. I don't think id ever want to live there with there easy ability to obtain multiple guns. At least they have gay marriage, we don't in Australia I think down here we are really behind of the rest of the world. That being the first world. I couldn't imagine living in a poverty stricken country there would be no hope. My life is already bad enough. I know what you're thinking 'poor little white girl, you all think your lives are so tough.' Well I don't see my self as being anything like people my own age. I guess you'll probably find out why but for now its 8:59 in the morning is time to wake up my beloved friends. ew, did I just say that? Theres something seriously wrong with me but we all knew that already.

People just assume you're crazy once you've been in a mental hospital. Its not like they gave me a choice, they just assume you're mentally ill no matter what you say. This I think is the soul reason my private christian school want me gone; there have been a lot of rumours...

My bedroom door creaks open "Hey Julie, what have you got planned today?" thats my roommate Piper, I live with her and her incredibly frustrating family; mother and little brother Greg. He's undoubtably a spoilt overweight kid. 14 and still buying nerf guns I don't think I remember anyone that age still saving there money on toy guns. And Piper's mother of course a delight she has the tendency to tell me I'm being kicked out and then change her mind. Don't get me wrong this is better than living back in a youth shelter like I had been for 6 months but this is obviously isn't good for my well being. If there is anyone else stuck in a situation like this how do we cope? Im just hanging onto the idea of which I leave straight after graduation high school and travel for the rest of my life. Seems a bit Ambitious to my twin sister Vicki but I guess I'm a believer in things changing for the better.

Oh shit I went a bit off tract I have a habit of day dreaming quite a bit. "Sorry Piper; daydreaming. Umm I don't think I have plans today. Vicki's coming over tomorrow though. I smiled. Pipers mum 'Bliss' and her brother Greg are off on holiday to somewhere in Europe for 3 weeks so we are finally just relaxing without hearing her scream day in and day out. The irony of her name pisses us all off, 'Bliss' more like 'Bitch'. I know thats a little mean but if you didn't know whether or not you're sleeping on the streets when they come back you would understand. 

I walk over to Piper's room, "Can you believe I didn't get that job? I don't understand how I didn't get it, I did everything right and I was the most experienced person there." Im really annoyed, I found out yesterday I was turned down from a traineeship at a wildlife sanctuary. I don't understand how I didn't get the job they told me by email yesterday without stating why. I came out of that interview thinking 'Im definitely going to get this'. But I didn't so I'm trying to comprehend why I wasn't successful. A lot of the time when similar things happen it feels personal like a curse, like someone is purposely trying to ruin my life. The reason I want a job in the first place so to save money so I can travel. Thats all I want to do. Its so hard when you think you were great at something but it turns out not great enough. That happened to me a while ago. My first job I worked at a burger joint I thought I was doing great for it being my first job. After 3 months, 3 days before Christmas, I was fired. "You don't fit in well with the other employees is what I was told. Its like for the last 2 years the world has been whispering quietly but loud enough for me to hear; kill yourself. Like I was a mistake, like I was never meant to be born, like I am a flaw in the worlds creation. 

Thats a totally different topic; the worlds creation. I may go to a heavily christian school but to believe in someone or something you can't see and have no proof of I think is ridiculous. These people say they have faith but I believe they are just scared; scared of what could be on the other side. The bible is a fairytale for adults.

Ive always felt like a lost connection; like I'm living and people know I am but they can't really see me.  You'll never meet someone as invisibly awkward as me. Its like I'm a new kind of invisible that awkward stage of people knowing you're there but can't really see you. It should be a new word in the dictionary lets call it; Julie.