"Wont you Smile?" (Discontinued)

Chapter One: Alone

The first thing you feel when your told your mother has died is sadness. Well thats what they tell you it would be like, that's not what I felt. For a moment, my mind was blank. A vast river rapid forced into a calm pool. The world around me seemed to come to a grinding stop like when you're falling, and it seems that everything goes into slow motion.
I had been frozen like a deer in the head lights of a truck, until I adjusted to the horrible thought. Not knowing how to handle it, my body made a sound that could have been mistaken for laughter. I had tried to stop it from escaping my mouth, but the drip of water from the dam I had built burst. Though the horrible sound of laughter filled the room it turned into a small scream, tears falling down my cold cheeks leaving little wet pathways behind.
Alone in my room I made the terribe scene for what could have been from hours to days. It was a blur. I didn't want to feel that pit in my stomach slowly growing bigger. It didn't feel like when you're sad. No. It was much worse then that. It felt like thousands of swords had pierced me and were being twisted by an unseen enemy. The feeling was more painful then a feelin of sadness.
After my tears had dried up and my breath couldn't make the laughter anymore, I sat alone in the dark room. I tried to make the situation better in my head, thinking that maybe I wouldn't notice she was gone. My mother wasn't around all that much and though she was one of the most important people in my life, I still managed to think I could push her into a mere memory. As if she were a broken doll that I could discard and hardly notice it was gone.
I tried my best to fill my mind with lies. I lived in lies. It wasnt long before I was consumed by my lies.