[ prompt ]
“pictures don’t change but the people in them do.”
• • •
i was burning stares into one of those cliché polaroid photos of us again. i kept coming back to it, no matter what would happen. it gave me a sense of hope; something i could hold on to.
standing beside each other, one arm of yours’ draped across my shoulders, attempting to steady and balance yourself while stuck in a strong state of adrenaline. me on the other hand, appeared unbothered compared to your expression.
i remember the exact second the blinding light had erupted from the camera, interrupting my train of thoughts as i plastered on a smile. then there was the darkness behind us, perhaps people were engulfed in it. the moon’s fading light only shone on us with elegance mixing with the polaroid camera’s artificial light.
but all my smiles were fake back then— because i found no reason to be happy.
you, however— seemed amused at the tiniest things. you appreciated, gave everyone and everything their share of praise that you thought they deserved. you smiled. you cared. you loved.
you had that genuine kind of smile that shot butterflies in every girl’s stomach. excluding me— back then at least.
and back then, you were so bubbly and blooming, and i regret not appreciating it like everyone else did.
you were overrated, i chuckled. who knew that i’d ever call you that?
girls were drooling over you and practically bowing before your feet. everyone was begging for your friendship, or for you to at least take a glance at their direction. you were a hidden treasure to everyone; something they couldn’t wait to get their hands on.
yet i was the closest to you.
you picked me over everyone else.
and i was a fool not to realize how lucky of a girl i was— to be so close to the school’s heartthrob.
ding! another cliché. you always meet the most unforgettable people in highschool.
and the best thing was, you didn’t care whether i worshipped you or not.
we were friends. really good friends— or at least— you were the good one. you told me everything, entrusted me with your biggest secrets, invited me over for movie nights, and even offered to help me with homework if you saw i was struggling.
you showered me with nothing but love and care, but i never gave back. i never noticed how much effort you put into making me feel wanted every single day that i spent with you, and it hurt me thinking about it.
and to this day, i still don’t know why.
you were the greatest friend anyone could ask for. you deserved to be loved and not treated like the way i treated you.
so why did you stay? why didn’t you leave me, and gave me what i deserved?
but it wouldn’t have hurt as much. my past self wouldn’t have cared.
i wouldn’t have thought that losing you was a mistake, because unlike everyone else, you didn’t mean anything to me.
and i’m glad i never cared. but at the same time, i regret not appreciating you. i regret not catching feelings for you before, back when you were more like yourself.
i wished i would’ve laughed with you, shared more jokes, listened more, and spent more time appreciating your friendship instead of being so selfish.
maybe then, you’d still be happy today.
because now, you’re always frowning. something always seemed terrible and worthy of spilling tears over— and i secretly wished i wasn’t the cause.
the glint of excitement in your eyes that appeared when i showed up never came back, and every single time i felt a piece of me break.
i’d sell my soul only to see it once again, and in that moment i realized i never really noticed it until it was gone.
there was only dullness— no tint of glee, no matter how hard i looked. you felt hollow inside. i yearned to have that old version of yourself back.
for the first time, it bothered me.
so much.
‘cause why couldn’t i have caught feelings for you before?
why couldn’t i have appreciated your old self better?
...why was i so selfish?
and why, why, why, did it have to be you of all people?
• • •
but i’ll let you in on a little secret.
i’ll still hold on to the picture, for as long as i could, not until it gets lost or burnt into a crisp.
because the picture would never change— it would still hold that same hue and terrible quality throughout the years. even the same vibe of teenage rebellion and happiness would stay.
but the people in them changed.
you being one of them.
and surprisingly, including me.
