white white walls

the cafeteria

They took me from the room again. I want to tell them I'd like to eat alone in there, but I can't form the words.
Two of the men flank me in the back, though they know I won't do anything. I'm not one to cause a scene.
When we are almost at the door, I start to panic. I somehow find a way to create words, though my voice is scratchy as they are spoken aloud,
" I- Um... I gotta use the bathroom please." I say it without looking at them. I twist my head around and I am met with two blank stares. One rolls their eyes, I flinch a little, not meaning to cause problems. They oblige, though, and both turn simultaneously. I follow them, trying to keep up.
A minute later, they walk to the men's restroom and stand on either side of the door. I bow my head, embarrassed as I push the door open and shuffle in. I don't even have to pee. I just wanted to see myself.
Just in case I forget what I look like.
I look into the small mirror in front of the sink and purse my lips. I have dark circles under my eyes, which are hazel, making it look like I haven't slept in weeks. My lips are cracked and pale. Straight, normal looking nose. I just seem tired... sad. My eyes flick up to my hair. It's dark brown and at the ends, its greenish blue. About an inch of cyan dye. It looks so long now, I cant remember what it was like when I came here. I don't even know when I arrived.
I start to run my fingers through my blue-brown locks when the door bursts open. I jump and grab the sink because I think that it's the guards, but a short guy runs in, his black hair slicked back. We don't have access to gel here, so he must have just got here today. He stops; looks closely at me and whispers,
"What the hell kinda facility is this? Can't even walk nowhere without those goddamn pigs followin' you around."
He looks me up and down, then squints.
"Shit, they got you all doped up. Probably can't remember your own name. Guess I won't either though. I ain't leavin' this pile of shit anytime soon."
I still don't say a word.
"I'm Jet. Just for introductions. And so ya don't ask later, I'm in for too many trips to the Rehabilitation Center. Probation gets me every time."
He looks into the mirror, then starts washing his hands, humming music I don't know. I do remember my name, but only my first.
"Malachi."
He turns to me.
"So he speaks! You going to dinner after this?"
I peer over and nod my head once. Jet bites his lip and turns the water off.
"So I'll see you there, huh?"
"Yea."
He nods again. As he grabs a paper towel from the dispenser, I go around him and leave the bathroom. When I swing open the door. I see my guards are talking with Jet's, when they notice me, they stop, then follow me to the cafeteria. The song begins to make itself louder. Making damn sure I wont forget it anytime soon.
Someone holds the door open and I step into the room of chaos. I hate eating here. People always touch me or my hair. Lots of them just screech and throw their food. I saunter over to the line to get food and grab a white tray. I set it on the counter and slide it across as I grab little plastic tins of food. I don't even pay attention to what I grab. When I'm finished, I lift my tray and drag my feet to the most empty table I can find.
At a table for eight, there sit only two. They're both girls. I sit as far away as possible from them. It's obvious what they're in for; the cuts on their wrists are easier to see than the sun on a cloudless day. One of them looks healthy while the other seems sickly.
Almost  like me, but she's worse.
The healthy looking one -blonde, is stroking her fingers across her friend's arm. The other just sits and pokes at her food. Probably wondering,
"What's the point?" 
I sit there staring for so long, I don't even realize I'm doing it until the blonde bobs her head up to look at me.
"What are you looking at?"
Her eyes turn to slits as I try to find an excuse.
I put my head down and shake my head.
"Nothing." I mumble.
I glance up and watch her pour all of her attention into the girl again. She won't get a response. Not from her. She's already fallen from the edge.
A hand claps on my shoulder and I freeze in my seat.
"Hey Malc."
I slump back into comfort. Jet.
I lift my head in response. He sits down across from me and glances at the two girls.
"Ashe. Jane."
He knows them? I flick my eyes up to his, silently asking.
With a mouth full of bland mashed potatoes, he answers,
" Mm. Met them when I went to get my new outfit. Didn't know they put you to work here. Ashe got me a few pairs of clothes for the week and Jane gave me these."
He grabbed his foot and put it on the table next to his tray, Motioning to the already dirty white slip-ons.
"Slick, huh?"
I cracked a small smile if only to satiate him. Just as he pulled his foot from the table, I heard my name behind me.
"Malachi Milton"
I take a deep breath and turn around.
A nurse stands there, she's holding a tray of little cups with pills in them. She grabs a cup with the most pills in them and holds them out to me.
"I've never had to take this many."
She raises her drawn on eyebrows,
"Well Dr. Trellisan is trying a new tactic with some of the patients, including you. Take the pills."
Though I've never heard of that doctor, I've probably had an appointment with him at some point.
I don't want to give in but I don't feel the urge to fight it either. So I grab the cup. Though I hesitate, my mouth opens and I let every pill fall onto my tongue. I grasp my small cup of water and take a gulp.
The pills slide down my throat.
In about an hour, I'm going to regret ever agreeing to this. I'm going to hate myself for it.
But right now, I don't even care.
The piano in my head blares louder in protest as I swallow.