Everything's Alright (Sequel to "Please Be Okay")

~ Fourteen ~

     "How do you think it's going?" I asked Phil as I paced back and forward across the waiting room. "They haven't told us anything in awhile... do you think that's bad? I guess no news is good news right?" 

"Aria, sit down." He told me, grabbing my shoulders. "It's a complicated surgery, and it's only been an hour since the last update. Everything's okay, just calm down."

"I can't. I can't calm down because my husband is probably going to die today, which means that nothing is okay, which means I can't calm down." 

"Hey!" He yelled. "As of right now, Dan is alive. As of right now you are a perfect woman married to a perfect man with a perfect child. As of right now your life is going pretty great, so don't think about the fact that, that might change. Just think about the fact that right now, it's true. Okay?" 

I took a breath and nodded my head before turning and sitting down. 

"Thank you." 

Over the next few hours Phil and I tried to have a conversation that was at least slightly normal. We talked about stupid things like T.v shows, and movies. As well as other stupid random things we both enjoyed. It wasn't until that day that I realized, Phil and I hadn't had a normal conversation in so long. We all used to be so close and over the years it kind of became just Dan and Phil, and Dan and Aria. There really wasn't an Aria and Phil anymore. Which sucked because I loved Phil, I really did. But ever since Lydia was born I just didn't have too much time to talk. Or at least I thought I didn't. But I should have made time. I should have tried harder because he's always been there for me. And I forgot how much I missed just talking to him. 

"I miss you." I sighed after a moment of silence. He looked over at me weirdly and laughed slightly. 

"I'm right here." He told me. 

"I know I just mean that you and I never hang out anymore. After all this... no matter what happens with Dan, I think that we need to have more time just the two of us, because Dan may be my husband but you are my best friend. And I miss just sitting and talking with you." 

"I feel exactly the same way, actually. I guess things have just been pretty intense this last year, you know? But you're right, after all this we should try to hang out more. You're coming back to London right?" 

"Yeah, definitely. As soon as I can. I miss being home." 

"I miss you being home too." 

After a few more minutes I fell asleep on Phil's shoulder. I tried not to, but I was really exhausted. 

Phil's pov

I was honestly pretty relieved that Aria had fallen asleep. Not because she was bothering me, but because I could tell how exhausted and scared she was. I wasn't grateful however, when the doctor came out into the waiting room with a look of terror and sadness on his face. I looked down at Ari and then back up to the man now standing over me. 

"Just say it." I told him. 

"I'm sorry, Phil.... there was too much infected tissue. A lot more than I expected. I tried to get it all but... I'm so sorry. Dan is braindead." 

I didn't say anything. My eyes moved to the floor and tried to keep my breathing steady. 

"Phil if-" 

"Go away." I interrupted. "Thank you, for trying but please... go away." 

The man nodded and walked back down the hall he came from before. I felt tears fall from my eyes and almost forgot about the woman lying in my lap. But I instantly remembered when I felt her sit up. 

"Phil?" She asked. She stood up quickly. "Phil, what happened? What the hell happened?" 

"Ari I... I don't... I'm sorry..." Was all I could choke out before getting up out of the chair and rushing to the bathroom. I needed to be alone. 

Aria's pov 

     It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. Like I was sitting alone in the dark as my entire world fell apart. I couldn't cry, I couldn't sob, I couldn't do anything. I just felt my hands shake as they hung by my sides. The first thing I thought of was his smile. The way his dimples showed and his eyes squinted up. I could hear his laugh in my head, like it was haunting me. His laugh was always my favorite sound. Knowing I would never really hear it again, knowing I would never feel his lips on mine, or see the way his cheeks flushed when he told me he loved me made me want to die. It made me want to lie in bed, and just die. I had just woken up yet I was more exhausted than I'd ever been in my entire life. 

I jumped when I felt hands on my shoulders. 

"Are you okay?" A doctor asked. 

"What?" I asked. "Oh uh, yeah I'm... no. No I'm not. My husband just died actually." 

When I heard myself say that out tears started pouring from my eyes. 

"My- my husband just died. My husband just died... My... My husband... just died." I said over and over again. 

"I know, Aria. I was one of his doctors. You're okay, everything is okay don't worry just breathe. Breathe." 

He helped me sit down and put his arm around me, letting me lay on his shoulder. I felt myself start to calm down as he rubbed my back. He didn't say anything else until I started to calm down and Phil came back from the bathroom. The doctor told me he'd be right back and walked away with Phil to speak with him. I didn't know what they were talking about but I didn't care. I kind of just sat there staring at the floor and tried not to hear anything. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to do anything. Phil came back and kelt down in front of me. 

"Aria, the doctors would like to know if you'd like to see him." He said in a soft, calm voice. I knew that voice, it was the voice people use when someone dies. I guess it was just an automatic thing. My mother used the same voice when my dad died. It was the same thing. Like I was a child. 

"Yeah..." I said. "Yes I would like to see him." 

We followed the doctor down the hall to a room in the icu. He told me Dan was dead, but his body was being kept alive by machines that were pumping the blood from his heart and air into his lungs. He warmed me that someone would be in to ask a few questions, and he said that eventually I would have to make the decision to shut down the machines. But he told me that for now all he wanted me to worry about was sitting with my husband and saying my goodbyes. 

"I'll leave you two here with him." He said before leaving us at the door of Dan's room. I hesitated, but eventually opened turned the door knob and walking in. My eyes hurt but I couldn't cry. I had no tears left. I walked over and sat down next to his bed. I grabbed his hand in mine and held it tightly. 

Phil and I sat there together in silence for a long time. Neither of us said anything at all until finally Phil stood up. 

"I'm going to um.. I'm going to call his parents. I'll be back in a few minutes okay?" 

I smiled the best I could and nodded. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. I looked back down at Dan and gripped his hand tighter. 

"I um... I know for a fact that you're blaming yourself for this. That's just who you are. But um... But it's in no way your fault. It's nobody's fault. And I just want to tell you that I would forgive you even if it were your fault. If there is any way in the world that you can hear me right now please just... know that I love you, and that I will never ever stop loving you. I'm not gunna stop loving you, and I'm never gunna forget you. And um... I'm gunna miss you. My love... sleep well alright?" 

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A/N 

So this was definitely a heavy chapter. I can imagine it was hard to read, and I can assure you it was very difficult for me to write. Killing Dan was never something I planned on doing but as the story progressed I felt like it was necessary to. But you should know that this is not the end of the story and I'm excited for what's to come. I really hope you stick around. Also, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. If I'm being honest I've been pretty depressed lately and having been able to write. But now, hopefully I'll be updating more often. Thank you for reading, bye. <3