Goodbye

Within

We sat and allowed ourselves to be broken within each other for so long. We never truly allowed ourselves to see the pain until it was already time to leave. We hurt each other and ourselves for so long, and never cares enough to fix it, until we knew it would hurt each other more. We looked into each other's eyes, and thought we saw love, but in the end, we both knew it was too unhealthy for it to continue. We continued to live on, pretending all was fine when we both were slowly slipping into the deep divine, that we were quickly going to end, when one of us hit our own breaking point. We hurt and cried, unless we were all alone, then we only allowed each other to see what was on the outside, and didn't allow for us to see our pain, ignoring it to save us from one more tear. But as soon as we reached our own homes, and we were truly alone, we would simply break, over and over again, until we slowly began to stop seeing each other. Cancelling plans, ignore texts and phone calls, trying harder and hard to not subject to our connection. Although the love was deep for a while one of us had always fallen harder than the other. We both assumed it was ourselves, but both knowing who truly did. We felt a deep source of emotion for each other, one that was never truly health, one that didn't allow us to be our own people. We were labeled as them, and not you. We would walk through hallways and crowd, and no one ever truly saw us apart. Then we moved to a new environment where people didn't care if we were us, they wanted it to be them. They began to drag you away from my grip around your waist, and you never cared enough to stop them from ruining what I told myself was perfect. I lost my grip day by day, although my hands hurt from holding, I could never let go, I would then have nothing. So, I held tighter, only hurting us more and more. I stared into your eyes many times, and would loosen my grip, as I knew you started to lie when you said you loved me. You looked at other girls how you used to look at me, and it stung to see you didn't truly love me anymore, but I did not care enough to let go, in fact I still haven't. It hurts to see you flirt with others. It hurts to think about the time I lost, and how I still enjoyed it, and would give up everything for another month. Although I have acknowledged that you do not feel the same, I really still sort of wish you did. I realize, that's a lot for me to say, but even if you did not want another month, I wish you at least cared about what we had in the past, and see that it was not just nothing. I have tried to discuss this matter with you before but you seem to ignore the words spilling out of my mouth, just as tears have done for many nights before. Even without being with you I have this sense of connection with you, it is not a relationship I feel, but it is a connection I have not felt in quite a while. Sometimes I look into your eyes, and within that deep blue trance that they are, I see something I do not recognize, and that is who you claim to be now. I had someone recently call you egocentric, and very unconcerning of the people around you. Is it the truth, I am still unsure but I know who you used to be at least, if that is how you are now. Your thoughts have twisted though, they are no longer as they were before and all I can see are the broken horrid words falling slowly from your lips.