Roads

• comfort zones •

THE hustle and bustle of hospitals have always excited me in a way i can't explain. When you work in one for two years you start to realize the beauty in it all. Of course that being beside the fact that i work in the ER and i see some bizarre things.

Something clicked when i got here though, like a light switch. I stopped paying attention to why people came to the ER and focused on who. I like to get to know some patients, that is when it's a good day. Many people come here, per say the elderly lady that walks in here just to see her granddaughter who is in critical due to a heart murmur. Or say the guy whose wife died of cancer a few years back, he comes frequently to give flowers to the staff and other cancer patients.

Most people though, i don't even know them nor their stories. Some people's injuries may be minor like a broken nose, some major like a broken neck.

All the while i've been here at this hospital it's been a series of smooth or rocky events. Like when i found out i was pregnant with my first loves baby. We were so happy, key word were. Or when i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and heldher for the first time.

The rocky moments being like when my baby's father never showed up to the birth of his daughter, or ever again. He wasn't there for anything and that broke me the most. I thought we were in love and that were were going to grow old together. I guess his intentions were completely different from mine . He never called or sent a message or a letter, he was just gone.

Sometimes i think he was scared to be a father, or he had something important to take care of. But it's been two months and i think it's time to just let go.

I know many might not get it but i understand, many women aren't walking around with a baby and no father. For me it's extremely hard to get over, mostly because i loved him and he loved me.

We met in high school, us both being juniors. He was the particularly bad boy at Howard High School, but in reality he was misunderstood. Many people labeled him because of what he wore or cause of how guarded he was with everyone, everyone but me. I was the one to break that wall and he broke all of mines. We went on countless little adventures together as simple as skinny dipping in a lake (yes that's simple in our book), to extreme things like bungee jumping . Yeah we had our fair share of fights but every couple does. When we got out of school we moved together in a lake house that had the most beautiful views. It was all perfect, and a few years later is when we found out i was pregnant. I had all the symptoms but i was scared to take a test . Once i did sure enough it was positive. The feeling was overwhelming in a way i couldn't explain, i was going to have a baby. Of course i wanted to be completely sure so i made an appointment and found that indeed i was a few weeks pregnant. I didn't know how to feel or how to tell Weston , and i didn't know how he was going to react. Of course i wanted to keep it, but the timing was wrong. We had just crossed a milestone in our lives where we were comfortable, i became a nurse and Weston just became a firefighter weeks before.

My approach in telling him was sitting him down at dinner and just openly revealing it to him. When i told him i remember his face lighting up and him engulfing me in a warm hug. When he pulled back tears were in his eyes and i knew from there we were happy.

From that day we planned and planned for the baby. We picked out a room and we had all the clothes ready once we found out we were having a girl. It was funny actually watching Westons manly figure in the baby girl section of the store intently picking out clothes for her.

Everything was planned and figured out, until that day. I was actually with my mom when my water broke. She called Weston and told him that i was in labour, but he never showed. I kept asking where he was the whole time but no one would tell me. When she came i was only focused on her, Westly , instantly i fell in love. My mom was by my side when she finally came but still no sign of Weston. I felt incomplete without him though, like there was a part of me gone.When i asked my her about him she just gave me an apologetic look and i knew he wasn't coming from that moment. That night i cried to sleep, shaking from both the chill in the room and my sobs.