The Last Day

Chapter 1

          You never think about what lies ahead, the only thought that crosses your mind are those about what you want to do, not why you want to. I've done nothing but think about what I want to do, not why I want to do it. I thought about how I'm going to get there and what I have to do first, but never once did I think WHY I want too. Just what I want to do and why.
       We all want to be an actor or and actress, or even travel to the moon and back. We've even thought about how we can achieve it, but what if, thinking of how we're going to achieve our goals isn't what we're supposed to do? What if, we don't even want to do it; our brains tricking us into thinking we want to but don't? What if the answer we're all looking for isn't how we're going to do it, but why do we want to do it.
       We all want to do something and think of how we're going to get there, but how many people out there actually know why they want to do something? What are we really looking for? Why are we looking for it? There are all these questions nobody has the answer too, but what if the answer to them is right in front of us, we just don't look for it? What if all we have to do is look and not think, to use our minds without thinking about it?
       My name is Carter Rosewood, I am 17 years old, and  your all probably thinking "we're he going with this?" Well that's the thing I don't know where I'm going anymore, I thought I knew,but that's what I have to find out. As your reading this your probably wondering where I am. Well you'll understand after your finished reading, but why am I writing this? Well let's start from the beginning.

4 years ago....
       "Carter!" I hear my mom call. "Come on, were gonna be late" she says "okay mom I'm almost done just give me a minute" I tell her.
           We're meeting her boyfriend at the restaurant. She's been seeing him for 2 years now. My dad was a military officer and was stationed in Iraq. Nobody saw it coming, they were ambushed and my dad and a couple others just didn't make it. To this day I still don't understand why my dad wanted to serve. I still wonder if he knew or if he thought he knew. Some answers I guess will just remain unanswered.
       I straighten my tie and head downstairs, where my mother is waiting."Carter you know how hard it was to get these reservations, Johns gonna be upset." She worries.  "I'm sorry mom, it won't happen again." I apologize " it's fine, let's go" she smiles.
When we arrive at the restaurant, it's packed. It takes us nearly 10 minutes to find a spot to park.  When we finally find a place to park, we look for John. We see him standing under the big oak tree in front of the restaurant.
      After we've gotten our tables and got seated, John and my mom talk about the basics really, and update each other on how their week has been. "Can I start you off with anything to drink?" The waiter asks. " Can I get a glass of red wine please?" John asks "make that 2"my mom asks " Can I just get a glass of water?" I ask. " I'll be right back with your drinks" the waiter says before walking off.
" So how's school Carter" John asks. It's school, I thought, how do you think it's going, but I don't say that. Instead I say " it's good, for the most part." Why don't you tell him about your classes?"my mom asks " My classes?" I ask " there okay I guess, Math, Science, History, and English for my academics, and Spanish and art for electives" I tell him. "You doing anything outside of school?" He asks. "No.." I mumble. " Why—?" He starts to say but is interrupted when the waiter brings our drinks.
After we leave the restaurant, me and my mom go home. When we get home, she goes into the kitchen and I go up to my room. I shut the door and let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding. Why do we all have to talk about things that we already know? I ponder for what seems like hours, and never find an answer.

Present...
     
       3 years later and I still don't have an answer. I have asked myself that question along with many more over and over, for 3 years. Can you imagine that?
     I often wonder why we're all here, why we just act like everything's normal and we're all fine when its not normal and it's not fine. Nothing is right in this world. It's all just a jumble of questions that nobody has the answer to. Why are we here? We all know what death is, but what is life? How do we live life if we don't know what it really is? We have all been told that we will know what life is after we live it, but how do we live life is we don't know what it is? There's life and death and in between a choice. There is a million different paths we can choose to take but we can only choose one, But which one? What if there really isn't a choice at all?
There are all these questions upon questions, spiraling downwards into an infinite spiral. We are eventually consumed by the endless spiral and can get back out but why? How do we get out if we don't even know how we got in it? Where does it start? I need to find answers and I honestly don't know where to start but, I have to start somewhere. We all do.
Don't we?   If you truly want same answers I do turn the page, but before you do think of why? Why do you want answers to questions I don't even know the answer too. I just have accusations. But it's somewhere, right? If you aren't sure put this book down until you see it. It's there, right in front of you.........

4 years ago...

I woke up the next morning and just stared at the ceiling. It was noon when I decided to get out of bed and I realized I was home alone. After I got ready for the day I went online and searched for answers. I knew I wouldn't find what I was looking for but it wouldn't hurt to try. After I searched " how can we live life if we don't even understand it?" The first link was to a site called "Why here". A user named Alexander Smith caught my eye. He posted a lot of things but the one that drew me in was titled:
Why Breathe what we cannot See?
"Why do we breathe what we can't see? We know it's there, but why can't we see it? This brings me to another question, one that has been there since the beginning, the one we have yet to solve. What is life? But what if, the real question is Why live something we don't know? How do we live life if we don't know what it is? That's the question, but where's the answer. I still don't understand if I know the answer. I guess we all have our own answers, but what is the right one? Is there really no right or wrong answer? Why do we let fate and destiny control our lives? I think it's because we're too scared to change our destiny. Our destiny is our own to choose, if you don't choose it, where will you really go? The answer is nowhere. If you let the fates decide your destiny you don't really go anywhere , how many people out there actually did something rather than let fates take over? When I ask this I don't mean like you wanted to do something and your doing it, I'm asking how many of you decided to take the leap of faith and do something completely different? I think if you want to be something and have since you were a kid then that's fate deciding your destiny. If you want to be an artist, I'm not saying give up I'm saying why not make it more like rather than just an artist why not a sculptor, why just do the  simplest thing instead of challenge yourself. If you challenge yourself then there's adventure waiting. If you don't challenge yourself what then? Will you just rely on fate or actually do something?"  
     I never thought of it like that. Destiny. I thought about destiny for it seemed like hours. Make your own destiny... " but where do I start?" I think out loud.