The Girl Who Kissed a Lie

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

So Kelsey and I have become friends, which feels strange to me. I have a friend now. I really like Kelsey, and it seems as if Kelsey really likes me. She’s funny and smart, and I wish I was half as cool as she is. I mean, I’m spending all my time fretting that Mrs. Bourne is some kind of weird supernatural being because this is the life I lead, and Kelsey is just shrugging and talking about dusting spells and flirting with boys. You should see Kelsey flirt. She is an expert at it. She has a habit of catching her tongue between her teeth when she is talking to Andy, and somehow the effect of this is adorable. If I did this, I’d just manage to bite my tongue and make it bleed or something. Nothing fazes Kelsey; she’s up for everything. It takes me forever to make a decision about the smallest thing.

For instance, I haven’t told her about Ben. We talk a lot and Kelsey has a lot of stories about people she’s been meeting in the neighborhood and I always feel pathetic for never knowing any of these people. I could say that the one person I know is Ben, but I don’t feel like I can tell her about Ben. I feel like I want Ben to be mine. And then I wonder if I’m really that selfish a person. (Apparently, the answer to that question is yes.)

Andy and Brody keep stopping by the store. And while Andy and Kelsey are busy flirting with each other, Brody and I have nothing to do but talk to each other. I say “talk,” but that really isn’t accurate. We don’t have much in common, and I don’t know what to say to him, and he just spends a lot of time staring at me very intently, which makes me uncomfortable. Talking to Ben is so easy, so natural. Even our silences are natural. Talking to Brody is the very opposite of this.

“Brody Fletcher likes you,” Kelsey tells me eventually, and her face is glowing with the thrill of having this scoop.

I blink at her, feeling like I can’t quite translate that sentence. Brody Fletcher likes me? Brody has big, chocolate-brown eyes and shaggy, sandy-brown hair and plays lacrosse and last year was rumored to be dating a senior. Brody Fletcher doesn’t like me. Brody Fletcher stares at me while I stammer my way through stupid comments about the weather and The Scarlet Letter.

“He does?” I ask dubiously.

“He told Andy to ask me if you have a boyfriend,” Kelsey continues casually, as if this news hasn’t thrown me completely for a loop. She slides behind the front desk with me. “But you don’t, right?”

I think of Ben. And then think, Well, what the hell is Ben? I don’t know what to make of him. And if Ben wanted to be my boyfriend, didn’t he have plenty of opportunities to…do something about it? Anything? And didn’t I want a normal boyfriend? Didn’t I want to go out on dates like someone normal?

“No,” I answer slowly, drawing the word out an impossibly long time. “But—”

“Excellent. I didn’t think so. He’s cute. Do you think he’s cute?”

I don’t know what I think. I mean, yes, Brody is obviously cute; there is probably no girl on the planet who doesn’t think Brody is cute. But does that mean I like Brody? Does that mean I want to date him? Shouldn’t this all be so much clearer?

Because I’m nervous and flustered, and because it makes me feel better, I tuck a couple of rubber bands off the top of the counter into my pocket. Really, you just never know when you might need things; it’s best to have really full pockets.

Not that I have ever desperately needed anything in my pockets. But you never know, and it makes me feel better to know all this random stuff is there.

The next time that Brody and Andy stop by, Andy and Kelsey do their flirting thing, and I try my best to really like Brody. I try to copy Kelsey, being clever and witty and smiling adorably. Brody, as usual, just stares at me.