MacKenzie McCurdy had been sent to the psychiatric home because of the pain she went through her past life. Having to deal with the constant bullying of her classmates and even worse, when she was made the school's bet and she fell for it. Now she's...
I plugged in my ear phones and Shawn Mendez words blasted my head.
'You watch me bleeding till I can't breath, Shaking, falling onto my knees, And now that I'm without your kisses, I'll be needing stitches.
Tripping over myself, Aching, begging you to come help And now that I'm without your kisses, I'll be needing stitches.'
I wish I had written this song because every part of it matches my situation.
I rolled on my bed and looked around my room.
I missed it.
Every part of it. The strawberry smell, the arrangement of things.
It's painted blue and white. Books stacked at a corner and a bed side shelf beside my bed. There are no pictures on the wall and the windows are covered with a white drapery curtain.
No posters on the wall.
My cupboard at a side. I haven't touched it in a while. The carpet is beige in colour.
I sighed.
I spent the last 6months of my life in a psychiatric home. It was awful at first but then I got used to it. I wanted to get better.
I knew I was suffering from depression but psychotic depression?
I was the nerd. The one that had no friend. The one that could be hit anytime. The fat ugly worthless nerd.
Tears trickled down my eyes at the thought of this.
I'm not ugly!
Each time they call me names, I would try and ignore, even though I secretly cut my self. I always wear long sweaters to cover up my bruised arm.
Funny how a slight paper cut would hurt a lot but I would be totally numb from cutting myself up.
I chuckled between my tears at the thought of that.
I'm the one they would all set trap for, trample on.. I'm the ugly dweeb.
Again I'm not ugly!
I'm not fat!
I'm not worthless!
Now I can't hold back the tears.
It's hurtful to go through those things but I was just doing fine. Trying to hold on till final year so everything would be over but he just had to.
I remember vividly the day he walked up to me in the library. He teased me.. I didn't want to give in. Every other girl would have.. Who am I kidding?
It's Aiden Reed.
Who wouldn't?
The tall, muscular green eyed guy. His perfectly defined jaws, perfect set of teeth and firm nose. His protruding Adam apple and everything just matched perfectly.
He is the type that has the smile to make you melt. The way he flashes the dimple and his intriguing personality.
Who wouldn't?
Every girl's dream.
When he walked up to me.. I thought I would have to be bullied by a green eyed Greek god but no! He said he wanted to be friends.
I was a fool for thinking someone like him would actually want to be my friend. It's so disheartening that a straight A student like myself had to fall for his stupid games.
He was intriguing. He was mysterious. He seduced me. He made me believe he cared. That he was a friend. That he felt something but no. It was all a lie!
I had to put up with his ex's taunts for him. He defended me from others. He made my life okay. No more bullying. He saved me.
I just thought maybe Jesus had a reconsideration to make my life better. I have read millions of books that end up that way.
I thought he was my own bad boy. I thought he was my saviour. I thought he was my Sam Cahill like 'bad boy and tomboy' , My Caleb like in 'chasing red', My Aiden like 'she's with me'.
But no!
Happy endings aren't for losers like me.. And he did a good job letting me understand that.
I was a simple bet. Just a 500 dollar bet. He has the money. I know it. He just wanted to prove his ego. He just wanted to show he's better and I fell.. I fell deep.
I should have never listened that day. I shouldn't have been in the library.
Even after finding out I was just a bet.. I still wanted his side of the story. I wanted him to tell me I might be a bet but he loved me.
But he didn't.
He couldn't even say anything to me. He just stared with those damned green eyes. His expression was blank. His eyes held no emotion. Just pity!
I ran back home immediately and locked my room. I cried for hours and days. I didn't eat anything.
My mum thought it was just a normal high school heartbreak but no! It was more than that.
Slowly I started hallucinating. I wasn't in my right mind. I concluded everything then. I'll leave. I'll do the world a favour like they have always wished.
I'll be out of their lives.
My mum would be happy and won't have to work hard to take care of me anymore.
With that, I slit my throat.
Soon, I woke up in a white room. I was sore. Every part of me. I couldn't carry any part of my body and I had to watch people wearing white clothes surround me and talk to me.
My brain couldn't decide anything. I was just here. Just there.
After months of recovery, I had to go to psychiatric home. I had to heal.
After healing, I want to resume to that school. The year is almost ending so I'll have to start final year with them.
I want them to see me. Who I have become.
MacKenzie McCurdy is a changed girl.
I didn't of course change my appearance because I'm alright.
I just changed my intuition. The belief I have that I'm ugly, fat and worthless.
No!
I'm perfect in my own way.
I have a long black straight hair. My teeth are now okay so I took off the braces. I have a nice olive skin, straight nose and full lips. Curved eye brows and I'm about 5'7 ft.
I always hid my hour glass shape under the big sweaters I wore to cover my scars but now no!
I'll go back to that school and make them pay. One by one.
Something I had in mind ever since I was sent to that psychiatric home last 6 months.
I'll make them realize their mistake. Make them remorseful and make them stop so they wouldn't do that to any other person.
I wiped my tears and go downstairs to eat dinner.
Tomorrow when I step in, I have to let them know who's boss now.
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