Lasagna

James Carver

Vinny has kissed me six times already.

"Alright I swear I'm leavin' now," he kisses me again, this time on the forehead. Long and hard.

"Ok, Vin," I tell him-- his lips still on my head, his hands still on my cheeks--because he has claimed he is about to leave six times already.

"Ok." He pulls his lips away. He looks me deep in the eyes like he's about to lose me. "God. I'm going to miss you," he says.

I'm going to New Jersey. An hour's drive. For a day. Actually, I'll only be there for 23 hours.

But still, Vinny makes a production about it.

I can't keep the biggest smile off my face.

"I'll see you Monday, Vin," I tell him to reassure him that I'm not going on a research trip to Mars and never coming back.

I know I'm acting suave. But really, my body aches at the thought of going a day without him.

"Ok." He kisses me again on the forehead, like I knew he would, but this one is quick. He's really leaving now. His hands fall from my cheeks and squeeze my hands. He keeps a grip on one of my hands until he's opening up my bedroom door. He takes another step and suddenly his arm isn't long enough to hold on anymore. He gives my fingers one last squeeze, then he drops them and disappears out the door. He doesn't keep his eyes off me as he leaves, though. He always does this, so he knows exactly where the doorknob is.

He's been spending a lot of time here recently. He tells me it's because now that we're dating he wants to get to know my mom. I know that he's lying. I know that it's because he's met Joshua. He wants to hang around the apartment when Joshua is here just to intimidate him.

It works.

I haven't heard a sound from him in weeks.

Vinny has installed a new lock on my bedroom door. And it's still there.

I collapse on my bed. My mattress slides against the wood floor with the force of my weight. I sigh, but I don't do anything about it. Until I see a piece of folded up notebook paper lying on the floor. It certainly wasn't there before. And it certainly is not mine. It's come from underneath my bed. I reach out to grab it.

Inside, I can clearly make out Vinny's tiny chicken scratch handwriting.

James Carver.

You are my everything.

Please, call me. Come over.

Fuck I need you.

Vin

I find myself biting my lip. I try not to cry. This must have been written when Vinny was "running a half marathon around Brooklyn" looking for me.

I reach inside my bedside drawer and pull out a roll of tape. I tape the note right next to the photo of Vinny and me on Christmas. I read it six hundred more times, then I slide my mattress back in its original place.

I pick up my phone and call Vinny.

"Jim," he says.

I respond with, "I love you, Vin."

He chokes on the other line. We have never said these words out loud. I have never even said these words to myself.

"I, me too. I love you. So much. Too. I love you too."

I laugh. He laughs. I feel a tear rolling down my cheek. I have never been so happy.

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A special thank you to each and every one of you. YOU made this story possible. Couldn't have done anything without you. I love you all.