I kept having the nightmares every night. Nikki said that it was my brain's way of coping with the stress that I wasn't consciously dealing with. I don't know why my brain felt the need to relive dying in as many ways as possible, but it did. I started waking up at 2 or 3 in the morning and having to go take a shower to rinse all the sweat off and to remind my body that I wasn't dead yet. Sometimes Nikki would be waiting in my room when I got done, sitting on my bed, ready to listen to whatever I wanted to share. Other times I would go to the living room and turn on a Disney movie, hoping that the happily ever after would somehow find its way into my dreams.
It hasn't happened like that yet.
Nikki has nightmares too, except unlike me she wakes up screaming and in a panic. I will rush to her bedroom and see her wrapped up in her sheets, crying. I will sit on the bed next to her and pull her into my arms, letting her cry into my shoulder. We never talk about what she dreams about, but I know that it is about me. I know because I hear her scream my name followed by, "Please don't die!" or "Look out, there is a truck!" I pretend I know nothing for her sake. If and when Nikki wants to talk about it, it will be in the light of day with a couple of bottles of Coke.
Mom and Dad don't know anything about my nightmares. I asked Nikki to keep it from them, knowing that they don't need any extra stress. They are already dealing with enough. I see it in their eyes every time I see them. Mom never stops smiling at me, always wants to know what I want to do, will always cook my favorite food when I come over, will sit and talk with me for hours about the subtle differences between Gryffindors and Slytherins. This is not like her. I know she is making this extra effort because I'm dying, but really she can take it down a few notches. I have told her as much, but she just waves me off and keeps doing it anyway.
Dad is the same, except in his own way. He will stop at my apartment with a movie and insist that I watch it with him. He asks me questions, which you wouldn't think is weird until you hear the particular way he phrases them, like he is afraid that being too brash or insensitive or something will break me. It gets really annoying, but I forgive him. It is his own way of coping.
Addie and Nova come over all the time. Sometimes together, sometimes just one of them. What I like best is that they don't just focus on me, they spend time with Nikki too. While Nikki is at class, Addie and I will watch a movie and talk about a lot of random things. When I am at Mom and Dad's, Nova will drag Nikki away from her studies and take her to the mall for a day of shopping. It is exactly the same as it was before the curse, before Nikki moved in with me. It has been the biggest blessing I could have hoped for.
Uncle Terr and Aunt Steph were great too. They would talk with us more than they used to, Aunt Steph would invite us over for dinner more often, little things like that. Once we got there though, it would be like everything was normal. I knew that the only change is that we were spending more time together, so I was okay with that.
Me? I was coming to terms with my death. There were some days that I would spend the day in bed with the blinds down, just staring at the ceiling like I had that first night. I discovered that I thought better when I was in that position. I would contemplate the deeper meanings of life, looking at things from a philosophical point of view.
Some days I would go to a park that was nearby and watch the kids play on the playground. I thought about how they had their whole lives in front of them and wondered what they would do with the their lives. I imagined that the boy who helped his little sister up the stairs and onto the slide would someday be a nurse, helping elderly people do the little things that I take for granted. I thought that the little girl who was playing with in the sandbox making a pretty awesome sand castle would someday be an artist, one that would sell her paintings and sculptures around the world. I just knew that the boy who was mediating an argument between his siblings would be a politician. I enjoyed doing this and sometimes when I would drag Nikki with me, she enjoyed it too.
I wasn't resentful that I didn't have longer to live than most people my age. I was a bit resentful that I wouldn't have the chance to fall in love and get married and have kids, something I had always wanted to do, but I knew that eventually I would be able to live with that. Hey, it eliminated the need to learn how to fight properly and thousands of hours worrying if I was being a good parent. Nikki said I was forever the optimist, but really, I wasn't. I was just coping the only way I knew how.
I started coping like this when I realized I was a powder keg about to explode, a couple of months into my new life. I knew needed to lighten the load or everything would be blown right with me.
