Abbie.

It's my first day at Charlotte Middle School, also the first time I had smoked. I was in the bathroom when two girls came in "hi" I said. They just ignored me, " I want a cig so bad right now!" Said the girl with curly hair.

"Ya me too I think I got some, why don't we skip 5th period and go for a smoke?" said the shorter girl.

"Hey you, girl wanna skip with us?"

"Um sure" me knowing I don't smoke I felt like I had to fit in somehow, we go out back at the school, they light it. First the girl with the curly hair took a couple puffs, then the shorter girl, they handed it too me I sucked in, it burned my throat, I was coughing. "Have you done this before?" Said the shorter girl. "Ya lots of times, just I have a cough" I had lied. "Oh anyways what's your name?" They both had said. "Abbie" I said. "My names Stacie said the girl with the curly hair, "my names Katie" said the shorter one.

***

I just got home when my brother walked past me and backed up "why does it smell like cigs?"

"Oh these girls were smoking at school and I had walked past them on the way home"

"Okay good I thought you were smoking, haha so how was your first day?" said my brother.

"Great I met a couple of people"

"That's good we'll I'm gonna go finish unpacking."

I felt bad lying to my brother, he and I are really close if he ever found out that I smoked a cig he would kill me. I couldn't decide if I should mess up my life again with dumb choices just like last year.

It was weird smoking for the first time, for some reason it reminded me of last year how I was the out cast at my school, I was bullied and I had started to cut, burn myself, I once tried to commit suicide. I had gotten help, but we had to move because kids would threaten me and make fun of me, I was called cutter, slut, whore, bitch, suicidal freak, attention seeker... No one knows what that does to a person.

I hadn't thought about that stuff since we moved, it made me cry and wonder about how I could ever do something so horrible too myself, I looked at my scars they were faded but still bad, I looked at my wrist the one I tried to slit, it wasn't noticeable. my brother is the one who found me in my room, my wrist bleeding... I had to be in the hospital for a month after that, I had never thought of cutting after that. No one ever suspected me like that.... especially me I had been so innocent.

***

It's the morning; I had just gotten out of the shower. I was walking back to my room, my brother had run into me and he took a glance at my wrist. I didn't say anything. He walked away. I ran too my room I say on the bed. I was staring at my scars. They were scary, I looked at my "word thigh" it said "fat, ugly, starve, slut, whore, worthless, die, eat." I had thrown on my sweatshirt and some jeans. I put a little make up on and ran too the kitchen. I was in the kitchen eating a bowl of oat meal.

"Hey look, I didn't mean too look at 'it' I just.....

"Ya it's fine"

But it's not, I keep thinking if I hadn't been there..would you still be here?"

"John you had been, that's it. you saved me, now let's drop it."

I walked out the door.

I was walking to the bus stop. How could he possibly say "it". Its like he's not even my brother, my friend, my hero.

***

"Hey"

"Abbie right?"

"We'll this is the group."