If I Were Alive

If I Were Alive~Chapter 1

There's so many things running around in my head right now. Most people would think that we don't have a brain, well..they think that we don't think but we do. That's why we can hear and see and knows what direction to go in order to reach the living. Our senses are all tied to the function of our brain. Ever stopped to think why you have to shoot us in the head for us to go completely down. Hmmm, makes you think, ah? My point is I have been thinking a lot since the apocalypse.

As I sit here on this bridge looking out over the water, watching the sun begin to set as another day comes to an end, I think of my life prior to my death.

It may seem crazy but I've been seriously thinking about how I can end this whole ordeal. You see, I was once among the living. Among all those who lived for God or thought, in some cases, that they lived for Him. I was among all the good and the evil. All the robbers, rapers, liars, drug dealers. All the church goers, prayer warriors, good doers and such.

I was a beautiful young lady just finishing college. My hair was dark brown with honey blond highlights at the crown of my head. My skin was a beautiful golden color. I was, and still am, 5'1. Most of the time I wore heels. I loved heels. I was truly a shoe whore.

I had my whole entire life ahead of me. I went to church and walked around claiming that I was a true woman of God. I tried my best to live my life according to God's Word. I repented when I did wrong. I participated in outreaches and other activities within the church. I was even apart of a ministry. I read my bible and prayed daily. I was a really nice kindhearted young lady who truly wanted to help as many people as I can and I also wanted to see everyone do well in this lifetime.

I thought I did everything right. I thought I had it all figured out and sometimes people couldn't tell me about things that I THOUGHT I already knew. Most importantly, I thought that I, Tammy Anderson, would make it into the heavens. I thought I was going home to be with my Father and see those twelve gates to the city. I thought that I would walk around in my white robe on the only streets that are made with gold feasting on milk and honey. That's what I thought; boy did I have a rude awakening.

I know that it may be a little strange that I would keep referring to my spirituality but I'm going to tell you a little bit about my life and a little bit about my horrible death on earth. That should definitely help tie up the lose ends and shed some light on my reference to trying to live holy before the big dooms day. I'll say this, though, this death is by far the most miserable I have ever been. I mean seriously, I'm now sitting here contemplating suicide when I'm already dead. I don't think I can get any deader than this. Yeah, I know...it's bad!

Let me allow you to explore my journey from life to death and explain how I have gotten to where I am.