It's only me ...

THE Wake up Call!! ..

Ashley had known Roy over 25 years, he was the life and soul of the party and was adored by absolutely everyone who met him, Ashley was proud to call him her husband, the father of her children, her business partner, her best friend, her soul mate... Until this man was pinning her down on my back by her wrists, in a vacant, self gratifying state, forcing himself in her, as if she were a worthless, slab of lifeless meat, and all while their three gorgeous children slept soundly in their rooms next door. Unable to look at him and the sick pleasure on his face, she turned her head to one side and froze praying for it to be over. It was like he could read her mind, he knew exactly what she was thinking, he knew she wouldn't call out for help, he knew she wasn't going to struggle anymore, he knew she was just going to lay there and take it.... 'put up and shut up' that had become Ashley's mantra over the past few years, she was merely a 'piece of the furniture' a dependable, second class citizen within her own home and a tiny fraction of the wonderful person she used to be. She had given this man the best years of her life, the youthful, playful, outgoing, confident her. She is now frightened and worn out, left with no family, no income, unhappy, depressed, trapped, controlled, unloved and abused ... but who cares?? After all 'it's only me....' she would tell herself.

Ashley truly wanted him to realise what he did, what he took from her, for him to be consumed with guilt for his perverse actions, riddled with remorse and deeply hate the vile person he had become, she needed him to feel what massive disappointment he was to his parents, his brothers and sisters. For him to feel that gut wrenching fear that if his children ever found out and how they would hate him for doing such a horrid thing to their mum. In Ashley's head, this would be his punishment. There was no point in going to the police and wasting their time ... she really didn't want to talk about it and definitely didn't want anyone else finding out, besides, what could the police do? They were married after all! No, she needed him to be genuinely remorseful and absolutely despise himself for what he had done. Unfortunately he didn't, he didn't care less and carried on as if nothing had happened. Ashley watched him going about his life as if nothing had ever happened, still laughing and joking, still being loved by everyone, watching the children hugging and kissing him ... if only they knew! Ashley realised, that no matter how much she still loved him, there was no coming back from this. There was nothing more demoralising or hurtful he could do to her... He was a monster ... He had broken her, her spirit and her soul !!! She had to get out and soon.... but how??