I couldn't breathe, I press sent and chucked my phone at the wall.
He's not allowed to just text me out of nowhere, making me feel all these emotions. He knows I've never stopped loving him, yet he decides to make a mess of my heart again.
"I love you Selena"
It keeps repeating in my head, I can hear his voice so vividly. The voice I feel in love with, the voice I am in love with.
"FUCK HIM" I screamed, "FUCK YOU HARRY!"
I stormed into my room, tearing my closet open and grabbing the box hidden in the top left corner of the highest shelf. Memories hidden away with a broken heart.
I opened the box and out flooded all my smiles, laughs, tears and "i love yous". The scent of Harry filled my nostrils as I held my favourite sweater of his up to my face. He was my comfort.
My eyes landed on the card he gave me on my 21st birthday, he asked me to be his that day. I remember it clearly, he took me outside to the garden and handed me my present, a bouquet of white roses and a white gold necklace with the letter H on it. I remember him stuttering because he was so nervous, I remember Louis peeping his head through the door and giving him a thumbs up. I remember the memory of him.
All our good times and bad times stashed away in a woven box.
Without realizing it, I started sobbing. I curled up in a ball, wailing into my knees.
Harry had ruined me. Harry had decided I wasn't good enough. Harry had fallen in love with another girl. Harry's not going to spend a lifetime with me.
I bawled until my eyes hurt, my throat tasted like blood and I felt sick to my stomach.
The door opens, I hear Justin walk in. His voice echoed the empty home.
"Baby, I'm back" he cheered.
I didn't answer, I stayed still, terrified of him finding me in this condition. He cannot know that I'm a mess over Harry, he's too good for this. I love Justin, he's the best man I've ever met. He's never done me wrong in any way.
"Selena?" he called out.
Panicked, I scatter to pick up the box and attempt to throw it into the closet. The lid betrays me and all the things fall out, glass shatters.
"Selena?" I heard behind me, I turn around and stare at him. He looks at me and at the ground, his face fills with sorrow and sadness as his eyes land on hundreds of polaroids of Harry and I.
"Justin, I can-an explain" I cry, hoping he'll understand, praying that I'm not losing him too.
He walks over to me, bending down to pick the pictures.
I watch him confused as he puts everything back into the box, stuffing it back into its spot in my closet. He then takes my hand and sits me on the bed. His eyes pierce into mine waiting for me to say something.
We sit there in silence.
"Selena, I love you so much. I can't imagine a life where I don't know you. And I understand that you're lost and confused. I know that you're still
broken and I know that his engagement just broke you ever more. Trust me baby, I wish I could shield you from all this. I want to protect you. I want to fix you, but I can't. It's all you, only you can decide when you're going to be okay again."
I don't say anything. I simply stare at his chest. Everything he said was true, it's all me. He's perfect, he tries his best. I'm the one ruining this by being in love with another man when I should be in love with the man willing to love me when I'm not myself.
"You don't need to say anything, I get you're confused. But my mom once told me that if you keep something for the sake of having something then you probably shouldn't have it. And you must know that I love you so much Selena, I'm so in love with you that I don't want you to feel like anything is your fault, or that you're breaking me or ruining me. Because you're not, I put myself in this position. I'm doing this for you, and it hurts me so so so much. I'm letting you go, you need to find yourself, you need to love yourself and you can't do that with me always there." he sighs.
My heart just stopped. Did I really lose him too? Was I too much for him. Did I ruin the last good thing that's happened to me.
"This is all me, this is my decision. Hopefully one day you'll come back to me, because I picture myself growing old with you. But Selena, you're free now. I love you so much. Please say something."
"You're leaving me?" I whimper.
"Ye-no I'm giving you a break, it's what you need. I want the best for you, trust me babe this is so hard for me."
"I'm losing you?" I whisper.
"No, you'll never lose me"
