INSIDE OUT

part 1 - confidence

I woke up the morning feel down as always I never like getting up when I am depressed its like when I wake up I know that I am depressed and I have to make an excuse to not go to school when I do wake up its like my bed is pulling me back to go to sleep because my bed know that my confidence is really low

I cant help feeling like this ever since my dad died last week you cant control your feelings or the way you feel it's like a animal when their sister dies or sister got token off them they pine for them and start to get lonely and start to get depressed and don't eat then the animal ends up dying just because it was lonely I think life it unfair

because everyone dies at some point but I think everyone should live we could even meet are insisters from the past but you know then world has to move at some point

lets move one shall we

I started to fall back to sleep the moment my eyes shut my mother came in the bloody room tell me to get up I have to tell her even if my confidence is really low or not

"mum I don't feel well I feel like I am gonna be sick" ugh I hate making these excuses if I told her the truth she still send me to school "ok love just don't make sure your sick doesn't go on the floor like last time" god that wasn't even me how could she stand their with her hand on the door knob dressed like she's going to an interview thinking it was me making that mess on the toilet floor "mum that wasn't me that was Tyler" so called mum she forgets who we are sometimes she calls me Tyler even if I am not I have to correct her she likes "i am so so so so so sorry" and I like standing here nodding my head just to make her happy "its ok mother but don't compare me to my brother again" I hate being compared to my older brother it's like he's her favourite and my mother says I don't do favourites yeah right mum sure you do she even gave him a xbox one and ps4 and what did I get a shitty pair of old boots from the charity shop down the road from wear we live

but my dad gave me before the week he died was an a expensive camera and my brother some boots from the same store WHO HAS FAVOURITES NOW MOTHER

me and my mum never really got on she use to call me a spoiled brat and a daddy's little girl I hate being called that even from my own mother is bad enough I wonder why my confidence is reslly low because OF HER she made me feel so low about my self that's why I doubt myself too much because of my mother she puts me down. My self esteem is so low because my mother doubting me all the bloody time my confidence would be good and I would miss so much bloody school