Eleni's Diary.

Bitch day + Tuesday 14th May 2010 = My crappy day.

Romans 9:38, 39: 'For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, nneither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord.'

People always leave. Whether it's through choice or not. It has taken me a while to get over that fact. And that felt ... Strange. I'd always kind of thought that they had abandoned me. Well, I guess not.

I'd always thought that they left by choice, that they didn't want to stay on the planet to see me grow up and achieve things but also to see my mistakes and say "I told you so" with a smug smile. However, I guess when you are 16/17 years old, you don't think of other people though. I sure didn't.

16 years old. That was when my Great Auntie died due to liver failure and liver cancer. I visited her in the hospital and the hospice later on. In my heart, I knew that she was dying but my head just wouldn't catch up to speed. It denied everything logical. She was dying, my Grandmother was scared and my family was slowly falling apart at the seams.

Even my overconfident step grandfather was upset. And that really was a sad affair. At 16 though, most teenagers believe that their comfy little world shatters, at least 5 times a day. But mine really was collapsing. After my Auntie's death, I became bitter, withdrew from everything, my parents started arguing more, my Grandmother was turning into an alcoholic and only felt that she could talk freely when she was away from her money-obsessed husband.

My real Grandfather died when I was 8 years old. My pet dog died when I was 10. Her last night, unbeknown to me, was spent with her curled around my shoulder and my head next to hers. As she was a year older than I was, I was hers to protect. Ever since I was brought home. But I switched thought patterns and remembered days like my brother being born, moving to Somerset, going out with my friends, my Grandma and Auntie surprising me (more than once) when they came down to visit. I also thought about my teddy that I had slept with every night for the past 17 years. I smiled softly until I felt another blow to my face and abdomen.

"What'cho smilin' for, Blue Eyes?" his gruff voice sneered, full of curiosity and venom. I never replied. Not even when he threatened my family, or beat me or did things that I'd rather not remember. However, this time was different. "You." I croaked.

"Well darlin' ain't you just t' sweetest thang?!" he quipped before his chapped lips covered mine.

I followed his lead until he pulled away. 'I trusted you' I murmured in my head, the voice gradually getting louder and louder until it escaped through my mouth without permission.

"I BLOODY TRUSTED YOU!" I cried in the dark.

"I know darlin'. That's why you were the easy target." He drawled before giving me the final, fatal blow.

Upon death, I mused. About my short 17 years on this planet. Did I regret things?

Of course.

Would I miss people?

Yes.

Do I want to go back?

...

No.

Yes. These are the things that filled my oxygen-deprived brain, the thoughts of death. Huh. Now I'll know what really happens when you die.

~~~

A/N.

Okay, so I've started this, however, I'm not sure whether this should be a one time thing or whether I should carry on writing? Opinions please would be incredibly helpful.

Also! I'm trying to upload my other stories from here on out weekly. Thank you for fanning/reading/commenting/voting or whatever it is that you guys do. Much love!<3