reluctant heroes (i wanna be brave like you)

introduction + floss

edited: 14/03/19

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chapter summary - 'it was supposed to be fun'

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he couldn't tell you how it started.

maybe it began with the wardrobe, tiny fists smacking a repetitive strain on the aging doors yet, no matter the fear-fuelled strength behind his punches, he would remain locked inside.

or perhaps his father's wandering hands were the cause, those frigid fingers tracing heavy lines down ryan's lungs and stealing the warm air within. the memories may be blurred but the darkness of those nights were enough to encase his prolonged fear.

or it could have even started with those boys at his old care home. their terrifying tales of ghosts and blood sucking vampires were always able to give the young boy a fright, despite the surrealism of it all.

however, rationale aside, ryan reeves may have found himself an issue. the boy has been keeping a small secret from his housemates at ashdene ridge - he is absolutely frightened of the dark.

a common fear, yes, but this knowledge cannot numb the slowly spreading shivers that crawl along his spine if he ever finds himself inside a dark room. he feels the night's ebony claws latch onto his most fragile points, icing over his bones and caging his tongue. the mere thought of being trapped in an abyss of nothing serves only as a painful reminder to the boy that fear has always been the apex of his being (and some horrible, intrusive fragment of him believes it always will).

for years now, his phobia has mostly passed by unnoticed. whilst that may warrant some confusion as to why no one knew, ryan was fully aware that the residents merely didn't care. he was the embodiment of arrogance, cynicism. they rarely wished to spend time with him, let alone have a conversation.

and anyway, time has begun to heal some of the open wounds that caused this mess. it has taken a few too many flustered attempts, but the boy can now stand inside a dark room without the whisper of panic crawling down his spine, if only for a few seconds. (time is relative. who's to say if he is truly getting better or not?)

he is fine. even when the whispers sometimes find themselves digging into his skull and burrowing into the crevice of his sanity, he is fine.

(on occasion, he swears a warm rush of air accompanies these murmurs, gently brushing his ear and sending chills across his body. daylight or not, ordeals such as those are enough to instil unadulterated terror inside of him.)

ryan sighed softly, using his right hand to rub his temples, kneading the area with a clemency akin to exhaustion. he often pondered on the idea of telling someone. however, his anxiety riddled mind would invent hundreds of nonsensical scenarios in which he would inevitably end up regretting his decision, thus chasing away the ridiculous thought in the first place.

it always seemed to come back, though. nagging at him, nipping at his heels no matter his attempts to push it away.

he would constantly second guess himself but he knew, deep within the cracks of his heart, he could never say anything. after all, who would believe him - ryan, a troubled teenager practically known for his streak of compulsive lying and manipulation? he scoffed at the notion.

if that had not been enough to convince him, then the lack of anything on his file would certainly end the argument within himself.