The Collective

Ev

I kissed him.

I fucking kissed him.

He seemed so desperate.

"I don't regret a single moment I've had with you."

I walk faster; hoping the harsh wind that slaps my face will block out the words that fell from his lips, frantic in their tone. I need to think for myself now, I can't keep my thoughts on him. I'm not a part of his life anymore. I won't ruin it more than I already have.

"Don't go."

Grabbing the backpack from beside Nat's sleeping bag, I head away from the camp . She should really learn to hide things more strategically; don't want someone like me getting into her things.

"Ev, please."

As I walk away, I hear footsteps coming from my left. I speed up, knowing that it's Will and Charlotte on their way back to camp. They'll kill me if they know what I'm doing.

But it's not like I care, I'm not a part of their lives anymore. They decided that when they doubted me. They should know that I'm not some "manipulative asshole", to quote Charlotte. I wouldn't have made them rob a jewellery store for five grand if I didn't need it. I don't just do stupid things for fun.

I'm methodical... thoughtful. I make sure the things I do will benefit me, and if it doesn't, I change it so that it will.

So when they blamed me for Ryan's arrest, I decided to make the best of the situation.

As I walk away from the place I've called home for the last few years, I count the money in the bag. It's enough to pay off Mike and, hopefully, start new again.

I begin walking down the beltline, getting closer and closer to Davisville. Mike likes to hang out there. I reach his apartment and buzz his number. I open the door as the piercing noise sounds to alert me that he's accepted the call.

I call the elevator and feel my eyes dart around the foyer. There's cheap art on the walls, hung in front of a worn out orange paint. The curtains on the darkened windows are dusty; as if they've remained untouched for years. The silver doors to the elevator separate and I hesitate before I step in.

I can feel my heart rate increasing as each floor passes. This'll be the first time I've seen Mike in a week after he threatened to lead Jeremy right towards me if I didn't get the cash to him immediately.

I can still remember his hands around my throat, my vision becoming less and less clear after every passing second, the room getting brighter as I grasp at my neck, begging for air.

"You think you can get rid of me? You fucking bitch. How can you kill the best thing that's ever happened to you? I could return the favour, end your life right now, and guess what? No one would even notice... you're not worth anyone's time, Evelyn... don't even think that for a second..."

I shake my head as his words echo throughout my head. 

The elevator reachers the ninth floor and I step out, taking a sharp right, taking in the tacky decorations similar to the ones found in the lobby. I think only retired couples that refuse to move to a retirement home live here. That's probably why Mike and his gang took refuge here... less suspicious.

I walk down the seemingly endless corridor to his apartment. I hesitate to knock on the door, thinking that if I run fast enough and stay low on the radar, I may be able to take all five thousand for myself. I reason that it's not worth the risk and knock three times.

About a minute later, he answers the door, a half finished cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth, hints of a beard on his cheeks and chin. His hairlines receding ever so slightly, and his fingers seem dirty... like he hasn't washed them thoroughly in a while.

"There she is... right on time... that's new!" Mike laughs, looking back at his henchmen. He turns back to look at me and squints his eyes, taking a long drag from his cigarette. I watch as the ash grows on the end of the stick.

"I have it." I gesture to the frayed backpack.

"You sure you have it all? Don't want to have to call Jeremy and fill him in on some details I suddenly... just remembered." Mike takes a taunting tone as he grabs the backpack and tosses it to the man on the couch, who promptly stands and walks into one of the dimly lit rooms to begin counting the cash.

I follow Mike into the musty living room where he sits down on a well-worn, brown leather chair. I sit on the couch and watch as the dust rises like smoke from the pillow. It has a calming affect on me, and I relax ever so slightly.

"When do you think you're gonna be done counting?" I ask.

"What's the rush?" Mike keeps his eyes on the TV that's in front of him. It's playing an episode of Seinfeld. it's the one where George gets cold feet about his wedding.

 I haven't watched that in so long... I used to watch it with my parents after dinner when I was still at home. They never really laughed at it. They never really did much of anything. I think they counted sitting with me counted as bonding with me. Probably explains my social ability now.

"No rush." I stiffen. 

We sit in near silence for about twenty minutes until the guy counting the money comes back out with the backpack.

 "It's all there," he says. "Some of it's in diamonds and sapphires and stuff, but they're definitely easily sellable. We may be able to get more than $5000."

Mike reaches for another cigarette, having finished the other one a little while before. He lights it, knowing that the longer he takes to reply, the more it'll get on my nerves.

"We agreed on cash," He says as he turns towards me. His facial expression isn't readable, he's either impartial or seething. I know how to deal with both, but for time's sake, I'd rather him just let me go.

"Where the fuck do you think I'm gonna get $5000 cash. I live under a fucking overpass, I don't really have any savings." I shoot back. "Do you want me to sell the jewellery for you? Because you and I both know that you know more people than I do, and that the people I know won't pay well."

He ashes his cigarette off the side of his chair. I see the darkened specks fall slowly to the carpeted floor of the apartment.

"Fine," he looks back at the TV. "Get out."

I quickly stand and walk towards the door, seeing myself out. I'm walking back towards the silver elevators, my steps feeling lighter and the distance between where I'm going feels shorter than it did before. I brush my hair out of my eyes and feel for the wad of cash that's placed inside my jacket pocket. 

As I step out of the elevator, I briskly walk across the lobby, speeding up as I get closer and closer to the door. As I step outside, I feel the cold air fill my lungs and I close my eyes.

For the first time in a long time, my head feels cleared. I'm not thinking about anything or anyone. All I have to worry about is me. And that's all I've wanted since I can remember. 

I take in one final breath, and walk towards Davisville station.

"I have to go."